Apple Woof

I'm feeling sick. Let me start off by stating that. I find that this statement can sometimes forgive a lot of otherwise unusual action. That being said, I probably would have sent the below email had I not been sick. We have a large recycling barrel in our area, which had the words "Apple Woof" printed on the side of it.

I have always assumed this to be a typo, and Apple Wood was intended. Either way, today it went missing. Unable to stop myself I sent out an email to the department (original spelling error corrected here)

Emergency! Someone has hijacked our Apple Woof Barrel. I'm declaring a mauve, or maybe even a magenta alert. The Apple Woof Barrel has been our helper, colleague and dare I say friend. As it sat near Christine's desk declaring for years, "You Got Junk? I'll take it!" *

Some greedy person has snatched our beloved Apple Woof Barrel for their own. Sure we've all thought about it, but none of us has ever acted on such severe Woof desires! Now serving only one master our Apple Woof Barrel must be missing us. We must not let this crime go unpunished.

Where is our Woof?

Peter Brown

*no boxes, explosives, or chimpanzees

Perhaps needless to say, I received a number of responses. Most of which were along the lines of, "I hope I don't catch whatever it is you've got."

Here's one.

User1: what the heck is the Apple Woof Barrel?
User2: Ask Peter!

To which I responded in email, to User2

You dare malign the sacred Apple Woof barrel with oblivion of it's existence? I shun thee.

Trouble is, User2 never got it... Because I sent it to the wrong person. Some innocent worker in another building who I've never met is going to be quite confused...

How do I get myself into these things?