So You Wanna Be A Geek?

It's funny to see this trend emerging again. The trend where people with no geeky claim whatsoever want to come into the fold.

I recall this happening in the late 90's as well. The tech market was booming and people that had spent their whole lives as geek haters suddenly wanted to join up. And so the paper tigers flanked our ranks and pretended to understand us.

They were easy to spot. In shape, well groomed, articulate, and clueless about the things that really mattered, RPG's, Star Trek/Wars, Dark City, ninja dispatch or AYBABTU. Of course cover was mostly blown with that notorious statement, "Did you catch the game?"

Here's some tips for those of you looking to infiltrate the herd.

  • Working with computers isn't a job, its a calling. Those of us who have done this for a long time understand computers because we honestly care. My first computer was a 8086 running at a whopping 12Mhz. I've seen a thousand broken/troubled machines. I don't fix them. I heal them.

  • For many geeks SCI-FI doesn't embody entertainment, as much as potential. I'm not just watching/reading a story. I'm glimpsing a possible future.

  • Only shave once or twice a week. It cuts in on your gaming time. Besides, we look young and pale enough, no sense emphasizing it.

  • Geeks don't have tan lines. Why? Right, there's no sun indoors.

  • Some of us collect swords. It's not lame, and don't get on our bad sides about it, because you can be darn sure we've practiced with them.

  • LAN parties are the only real organized sporting events. I'm out on noob safari...-=Headshot!=-

  • Geeks do like girls, even if don't now what to say to them. Being too suave with the ladies is a sure sign of a fraud in our midst.

  • Which reminds me. Most of us are anti-social. We speak in half phases, broken sentences and awkward looks. Too polished? Not a geek.

  • On the Internet though, we reign. We'll nick-pick to the bitter end, and can out type any wannabe. If you're not prepared for an epic struggle, just leave well enough alone.

  • Care about technology. Any lack of proper reverence over the newest chipset/gadget/concept and you're done for.

  • Where's your geekware? I don't see any geeky t-shirts. Is that a blazer? Who are you!?

  • "Meh.", "the interwebs", "I roll twenties", "No one makes the first jump". These phrases are a part of geek culture. Trying to fit in? "Do, or do not. There is no try".

  • More? You bet. Drop me a line with your own revelations.


    Anonymous said...

    You're on a roll my friend. As a merely psuedo-geek, I have nothing to offer the list. But a LAN party does sound good about now.

    kludge said...


    You are always welcome over for some gaming. Have you had a chance to play Team Fortress 2?

    Tony said...

    "Some of us collect swords. It's not lame, and don't get on our bad sides about it, because you can be darn sure we've practiced with them."

    And then there are some (well okay, there's me at least :p ) that think of the handgun simply as the modern day equivalent of a sword... Fascinating stuff, really, the art of combat handgunning. A lifetime worth of stuff to study. Especially since the field is still developing! :) Which just makes it eversomuch neater - nobody can claim their way is the only true way, and you get to think on your own and develop your own way of doing some things instead of slavishly following the teachings of someone long gone like in most martial arts.

    Okay, I do have a modest collection of knives and a few years of training in fighting with them, too. :) Nor do I have anything against swords. In the martial art I studied, knives simply came before swords and I never graduated to the sword-level... I have been thinking about studying European swordmanship, but these days an organized school is pretty blech and the group I'd like to study with is located some 160km away.. And all that driving would cut into my dry-fire time severely. :p *sigh* Too many interests, too little time.

    (How in the hell could anyone think collecting swords would be 'lame', in the first place? That simply does not parse. SYNTAX ERROR. Guru meditation.)

    "LAN parties are the only real organized sporting events."

    I guess I am pretty weird, but I never got into computer games in all that big way. Maybe I don't qualify as a geek then? :P Oh well, whatever. Just give me a couple of d6, a large table, couple of friends, some maps, the BattleTech rule books, preferably proper miniatures - but the cardboard cutouts will do in a pinch, large amounts of caffeinated beverages, and don't forget the pizza. Playing BT 'till dawn can make one hungry!

    "Care about technology. Any lack of proper reverence over the newest chipset/gadget/concept and you're done for."

    Hmm. I guess it might be the handgunnery (and the "you can't fix software errors with spending money on new hardware, so run what you brung and learn to shoot!" mentality) speaking, but I am no longer as enthusiastic about anything just because it's new. 'Heckler & Koch announced a new handgun? How nice. Can it do anything my Smith & Wesson can't? So why would I want to spend enough money to buy several months worth of ammo on one, then, and have to re-learn a lot of things on the side?' I mean, gadgets are... cute, no doubt about it. But I still have my Palm Pilot even though it is quite old now. Just can't be bothered to spend the money to get the latest and greatest - and would it sync with my Linux box anyway?

    (Okay, so I did just replace a perfectly good - pretty great, even! - pocket knife with another, 250€ pocket knife... But that's different! An Emerson Commander is a classic.)

    I still like gadgets, no doubt about it. Especially if someone else is paying for them. :) But if it is my money, much of the time I find myself asking "does this really help me do anything I can't do just as well without it"? Maybe it's just the way my money is pretty limited and my interests tend to be so expensive?

    Sorry, I really didn't mean to ramble on so long. I'll shut up now. :)

    RC said...

    your shaving rational is perfect!