20 Things I learned From Microsoft

  • Microsoft Windows - "Crashing hard drives and bogging down boot times since 1985."

  • We have the solution, but only if we caused the problem.

  • We don't have to care, we're Microsoft.

  • The Windows registry is a place of Dark Magic. Avoid it if you can.

  • Windows. It looks like an Apple, but without all that nasty "Ease of use" and "Functionality" garbage.

  • If you do have trouble (and you will) just reboot.

  • Need to reboot? Click 'Start'.

  • Sorry but you're just another cog in the vast Microsoft cult. Reboot anyone?

  • There are some days when you spend more time rebooting, than working.

  • They're called weekdays.

  • Never upgrade until you have too.

  • You're gonna need more hard drive space. Oh! And more memory...a better graphic card...a bigger screen for all your widgets...

  • No upgrade goes as planned. This lesson can only be learned by doing.

  • You should have waited for SP2.

  • Windows in a breeding ground for viruses. See item 3.

  • It's possible to have more viruses than legitimate software.

  • Once cleaned your machine runs just as poorly as it did before you had the virus.

  • So how can you tell if your PC's infected?

  • Is it running Windows? Then yeah, you've got a virus.

  • If it works well, then it ain't Microsoft.


  • (typed on Linux using Firefox.)

    5 comments:

    Tony said...

    "20 Things I learned From Microsoft"

    Didn't you leave out bloodthirsty rage?

    (Also, does the blame for incompetent programming fall partially on Microsofts shoulders due to the way they've built their operating systems, or should I keep that as a separate rant? What say all y'all?)

    "The Windows registry is a place of Dark Magic. Avoid it if you can."

    Meh. For some reason, I don't worry about it much. Confusing, it most certainly can be. (Just how many registry entries does one single program need?! But I've been happily known to eradicate troublesome registry keys without much worry. F3, Delete, F3, Delete... At some point it becomes almost like one of those old 80's computer games (you know, the ones where the key to winning is grab the joystick by the base and shake it with all your might). :)

    Of course, the computers I merrily mutilate the registry of aren't mine. This might help. :) (But I have never destroyed a workplace Windows installation with my Mad Registry Mutilation Skillz. As unlikely as that may sound. :) )

    "Need to reboot? Click 'Start'."

    Alt+Ctrl+Delete, arrow right, arrow right, Enter, Enter.

    (And yes, the shutdown menu has four choices. But since logout is a separate choice in the Security Menu (arrow right only once), you'll already have Reboot selected. Unless it is a laptop. Or a fresh installation (the default is log out).)

    "(typed on Linux using Firefox.)"

    (I actually prefer Opera, myself, but my privacy settings aren't compatible with Blogger. I can read posts just fine, but Opera ditches some cookie that is necessary for replying. Hence, I pop into Firefox when I want to type a reply. Sounds like a hassle but it's actually less of a hassle than tweaking my otherwise functional settings in Opera. What can I say, I'm lazy. :p )

    (CAPTCHA: midgent. A gentlemanly midget?)

    kludge said...

    Tony-


    "Didn't you leave out bloodthirsty rage?"

    How right you are!!

    "F3, Delete, F3, Delete"

    I've found myself in a similar zone some days!! though, I regularly destroy workplace Windows installations!

    Fernando said...

    Awesome! The 20 things are back, and so are the Spanish translations :D
    http://picandocodigo.net/2009/01/20-cosas-que-aprendi-de-microsoft/

    Pure awesomeness. What distro are you using by the way? Is this recent?

    Regards

    Fernando

    kludge said...

    Fernando-

    @ work I run Fedora Core 8 GNU/Linux. I've tried Debian, Mandriva & Ubuntu, but always come back to Redhat.

    It's just so familiar.

    lifeofando said...

    aldsf93 asefjap 9ja934 ( P(*((#$ijfi iaofj8n o89)H F

    That's what I heard in that last comment.

    But seriously, I liked the post.