Lace Lament

Have you ever noticed that when you by a new pair a shoes they tuck the laces in? "Who cares," you think? Here's the deal, they're hiding the laces from you. Look at this picture. Have you ever seen a new shoe advertised with the lace ends showing? No. Why?

Simple. There's a problem with the cutter. The darn thing is stuck at 25' and can't be set any shorter. So when you get a new pair of shoes you're required to lace up the seven holes on each side and then try and figure out what to do with the other 23 1/2 feet of flipping lace! Don't say "cut it" either. If you've just suggested that then it's clear that you've never tried it! You get this frayed end thing going on. It looks like you were trying to make a bicycle handlebar streamer out of your sneaker lace! So what? Well, first off you look like an idiot but if that isn't reason enough then realize that if for some reason the lace end slips through one of the eye holes, it will take a gallon of your spit, a keen eye and an hour of your free time to get it back in! No, cutting is definitely not an option.

So if you can't cut it, what are you suppose to do with all that extra lace? If you don't want to look like a pansy and tie and elaborate triple bow knot, you could always "Go Greek" and lace the darn things up your leg. Sure it might chafe a little, and look like your wearing leggings under your jeans but at least you won't trip on your shoelaces.


Jason said...

Ya know, I kinda like the Roman soldier buskin look, with the laces strapped around my legs. It makes me want to go out and attack Greek restaurants and plunder their gyro and Mt. Dew depots.

Windy City Survivors said...

I've never sat down and thought about my shoe laces, but it is very true! I'm not sure I like the alternatives to the lace problem though...laces up the legs doesn't sound like fun! :)

kludge said...


You could go the whole nine yards and get a plumed hat and leather shirt to go with it.

Image when people were scared of folks in leather skirts, laced up sandals and feathers on their head.... It's a different world!

kludge said...


Once you get over the initial eembarrassment and personal revulsion, they really are quite comfortable.

BeccaGirl said...

I love this post.
Seriously, I'm at work and I aaalmost laughed out loud.
It's all true! You know, you could tie your regular bow and then try to figure out a way of tucking in the in the photos. Also they sell handy dandy shorter shoe laces at most shoe stores.
I'm loving the visual of a manly man with hairy legs tying a triple bow.
That's great!