20 Things I Learned From Swimming

  • If there's a diving board, some man will try something both death-defying and completely idiotic.

  • If you look around and don't see any other man doing these things, then the responsibility falls on you.

  • Diving boards, while they might be fine for diving, should be used primarily for cannonballs or belly flops.

  • If you can do more than one belly flop in a week, then you're not doing it correctly.

  • A good cannonball is defined solely by the number of people it disturbs.

  • Splash is everything.

  • No one looks good in a Speedo. No one.

  • Just because you're having fun doesn't mean everyone else is.

  • Women don't think it's funny if you grab their legs and pull them underwater.

  • You are an absolute idiot for ever thinking otherwise.

  • Even if no one admits it, someone might have peed in the pool.

  • Pool water is not for drinking.

  • Even if someone dares you to.

  • After swallowing 3 gallons of pool water, you might want to wait a few minutes before your belly flop attempt.

  • You have to open your eyes underwater. It's a rule.

  • You might feel a slight tingling sensation with your eyes open underwater. It's okay, it's just the pool chemicals eating away at your eyeballs.

  • Goggles are for babies and Olympic swimmers.

  • No, you are not an Olympic swimmer.

  • Relax and enjoy yourself!
  • 7 comments:

    SJ said...

    Ask Josh about the kid at camp and his amazing diving board jump - - - - crazy! It kind of fits with your first point, and somehow he came out just fine - no broken bones or anything!

    kludge said...

    Sj-

    Ah the fearless days of youth, when your simple mind wasn't troubled with all the ways you could do your body catastrophic harm...

    J Crew said...

    This is our ool. Notice there is no p in it. Let's keep it that way.

    BeccaGirl said...

    I have to disagree about opening your eyes underwater. I can't do it, it burns like acid!!! But I'm digging your comment about a good cannonball being solely defined by the number of people it disturbs....so true! Have a good Sys Admin Day!!!

    kludge said...

    J Crew-

    Nice!

    kludge said...

    BeccaGirl-

    Absolutely! That's part of the fun! Especially the next 4 hours when everything you look at has that eternal halo/aura look to it!

    Sarah said...

    I would love to be able to open my eyes under water. Unfortunately my insurance doesn't cover contacts that float away in the pool water. And man are they hard to find in a pool.