Excuse Me For Making An Idiot Of Myself...

Awkward. Awkward and outgoing. It's a strange combination, and probably the number one reason I'm so prone to having these horribly embarrassing encounters with people on a regular basis. See my side bar if you need a dose of feel good. After which you will say to you're self something like,

"Sweet mercy. This guy is a walking crisis. Do you honestly believe anyone can have that many embarrassing moments?"

After that, you will begin to feel better about yourself and whatever minor infractions you may have perpetrated on others.

I mean that's the real problem isn't it. Other people. Who gets embarrassed by themselves? Fall over in the morning while putting on your jeans, or cut a toot while bending over to find the cereal and you might feel a bit silly but certainly not humiliated. You won't go hide in the closet, or start sputtering and apologizing to yourself. Other people are the only reason we ever get uncomfortable.

For most people anyway. There are those folks with either no soul, or just no concern about what anyone else thinks. The fellow who bumps you while you're holding hot coffee and announces, "My Bad!" You try to smile while you drip with scalding brew. Or what about this fellow; the farting champ. I met this dude in the line at the sandwich shop, cutting at laughing, while ignoring the general disgust displayed on the face of his peers.

Some say, "self confident" or "comfortable in their skin". I say "arrogant self-absorbed bastard." Patato, Potato.

Regardless, for most of us this embarrassing moments are quite common. Some of us, like myself, seems to almost attract them. Again, it's my initial inclination to reach out to people and interact, coupled with a severe self consciousness.

For example... I've been here in Santa Clara on training all week. I'm boning up on my Cisco technologies. As such, I've been staying in a hotel. The class, runs from eight to five with an hour break for lunch. On Tueday I went back to my hotel for lunch. It's close and I had a leftover sandwich half from my dinner.

I just take a huge bite and I hear a knock at the door


"Hrpdnmm" I say with a mouth full of sandwich.

Knock, knock, knock. "Housekeeping"

Now what. I'm going to be chewing this thing for 14 minutes. There is no way I can swallow it down without dying, so... I open the door and gesture, as if to say, "Come back later please, as I have a mouth full of sourdough right now."

She smiles. Looks sort of strange and then comes in.

What the hell? She then puts her head down and starts cleaning the bathroom. Crap. So now I have to sit here and pretend that's EXACTLY what I meant. Try acting casual as you make a giant mess on the floor with a sandwich and chips while someone is scrubbing the toilet right adjacent to your chair. Not to mention the fact that I had to go pee quite badly. Worst lunch ever.

These things happen all the time. Anyone else out there as prone to this? Sometimes I feel like an embarrassing moment magnet.


Steve Murphy said...

It was a long time ago and maybe I'm not as lucky as you, you seem to have a blast.
A couple of us were going up for a free flight in a "Hunter", we were in the Navy and working on an airbase so these things were abundant. Anyway, we went for a safety brief and at the end of it the guy that had done the brief signed our "chits". Noticing we worked in the control tower, he asked "Do you know Gaynor?", me quick as a flash replied "Yea we know Gaynor, looks like the back end of a bus Gaynor !" chortle chortle chortle we all laughed, except Mr Signature. "Yea that'll be her, I'm marrying her next Saturday". I've never stopped laughing and got out of a room as quickly.

Love the blog Kludge :-)



kludge said...

That is a great story! Wow!

You are the new embarrassing story leader! That would be so horrible...