Meat Lovers Afterlife

I have seen the afterlife. It is called Espetus. In fact I was there for about and hour and a half. Additionally, considering that it was most obviously a slice of heaven the price for admission was such that anyone willing to spend a small wad of dough, could eat eight pounds of meat in relative comfort.

Seriously this place was amazing! I didn't really know what to expect, besides the fact that Leo told us, "It's all you can eat Brazilian BBQ" Leo is generally a man of few words, but those spoke mountains to me. Turns out your brain is not really capable of understanding some concepts without experiencing them. So eight of us arrived and after over an hour of eating seven of us men had to wonder how anyone in Brazil is capable of running a country if eating like this is even partially prevalent!

I have a good Brazilian friend
He likes his meals to never end
He showed us all this house of meat
Where for sixty bucks you eat and eat
And when the butcher comes to call, they say, "yes we'll take it all!"

So the drill was as such. You sat down and on the table was a wheel. The wheel was half green and half red. Green means, "bring on the meat" red means, "I Sally'ed out". Men in authentic garb paraded through the restaurant, table by table with giant skewers of meat. You had a pair of tongs for grabbing said meat as it was sliced off the skewers. To my memory, which is slightly obscured from my lingering meat headache and sever back pain this morning, there was plenty of meat. There was also a salad bar with a wide range of exciting food I'd never heard of before, much less tasted. Some very good eats! I planned to return once the meat parade slowed down. I never got my chance.

Let me see. The floats in the parade... top sirloin with garlic, sausage, giant BBQ prawns, Filet Mignon, brazed lamb, lamb chops, Parmesan pork tenderloin, some other pork cut, flank steak (my personal favorite),BBQ chicken, beef ribs, BBQ pineapple and the traditional favorite of BBQ chicken hearts. In fact I am solely responsible for the deaths of at least 13 chickens. I must say I over did it. But as I've said before, if a little's good then a lots better!

All of us did exceptional in the field of battle, and each man drew upon his courage and inner strength to get him through the engagement. One of us stood alone. While I tried my best to be that man, I had to tip my hat, if I could muster the energy to reach that high, to Matt. Who after all of us has thrown in the napkin, asked to look at the dessert menu. Matt, you sir are the champion. One day I hope to have the stamina you show!

The evening was unreal on so many levels. I weighted myself before dinner, just to see. When I returned home, I was EIGHT pounds heavier. I'm sure some of that was the five glasses of water that my body is retaining to cope with all the salt, but still...eight pounds.

Now that's what I call, getting your moneys worth!


Jason Michael Parrish said...

Eight pounds! you just ate an entire cat my friend.

kludge said...

wow. It tasted better than that, but yea. That's about the size of it! :)

Jack said...

That is hilarious!

There's a huge Brazilian population in this part of the Boston metro area, and I've seen those Brazilian BBQ places around but have yet to wander into one.

I must say, though, your talk of parading meat intrigues me...

Striker said...

I love Espetus... there is another on in San Diego which I also like quite a lot. The prices make it hard to count amoung my regular eateries, but on those rare occasions when my bills have been kind to me, I try and stop in for a lamb or two.