Kludge Spot: 2009

Super Mutant Soup

Oh no... The beast has returned. I haven't dived into a video game coma for what I believe is over a year. I've been away. I've been in the garage playing with my power tools. Creating objects to make my house a bit more functional or my pocketbook a bit less scrawny. Regardless I've been creating blister, calluses and gathering skills and tools to my ever expanding domain. Something changed. I was sick yesterday. I actually had an injury which prevented me from walking normal. It was both bizarre and nearly impossible to rely here. Regardless, I'm fine now. As a consequence though, I stayed home from work rather than go there in the buff. I'm sure my co-workers are pleased that I made this choice.

So. I'm not ill, but still unable to go to work. So I sat in my office and fired up an old game. Fallout 3. I'm back. Sweet Mercy. I forgot. Computer, I love you. I'm sorry I was absent for so long. I spent over 11 hours of sick day game play.

So I fired up the game, and started to recall this game I completed over a year ago. I roamed the District of Columbia wasteland in the year 2277. Apparently the USA and China went to war in 2077 and blew the world to absolute oblivion. Like rats and cockroaches, the human race survived. You and your family were lucky enough to survive in an underground bomb shelter for the last 200 years. Well, now you have emerged. And the wasteland will never be the same.

I'm a little do-gooder on a mission to find my lost daddy. Seems simple enough. Well... in order to find him I have to complete a couple hundred quest. Each quests allows me to be good or bad. So there I am, in scavenged armour and 30lb sledge hammer ridding the former US capital of horribly mutated irradiated men, crazed post-apocalyptic nuclear winter type animals and authoritarian robots. I spend my day, drinking radioactive colas, trading scrap metal with dirty traders, hacking computer terminals, picking locks, disarming mines and searching the rumble for useless items for others. Items like, sensor modules, power armour, satellite dishes and the Declaration of Independence. It's a real hoot.

There goes another 40 hours of my life.

Look! Stupid Pictures!

Yeah! It seems my exhaustion has addled my brain. What was that? It was always this way?

Saving a few bucks on airfare...

You tell him he looks stupid. Well? Go on!

Ballet never seemed this interesting to me...

You tell me what this one means, cause I'm not sure.

Exhaustion

This is the fist morning in what seems like an eternity without coffee. Here I am at almost 1:00 wondering how I'm suppose to get through the next 5 hours. Today, starting at Cisco configs is like holding up the world. I suddenly feel quite bad for Altlas. Poor soul. Though unlike Atlas, I have no merciful Perseus willing to exchange information for a quick release from my suffering. Ah for another Gorgon head lying around the office! Of course if I am to be turned to stone then what would I do with those free movie tickets in my wallet.

My poor wallet. Sitting alone on the bedside table wondering why I left him behind. "WAIT!! DON'T GO! Sigh...You took the phone, your mp3 player and even that good for nothing blue tooth headset you're forced to carry. Why am I not worry of your morning preparations?" I'm missing it right about now though. I'll tell you what!

Believe me the coffee break (what a horrible use of that phrase) was not my intention. I fully planned to worship at the alter of Starbucks this morning. Seeing as I was exhaustion from the events of my household, that I have zero intention of barring here, I was already quite late to work. My lovely and equally tired wife made me a lunch but we agreed to forgo making coffee.

"No biggie, I'm already late. I'll stop at the Starbucks."

zzzzzzzzzzzz

I just took a little cat nap. I need a gizmo so I can sleep at the office and no one will know. Nevermind. Thank you Internet!

Oh look. Only 4 hours and 15 minutes left.

Vintage Computer Ads

So... did you clear a warehouse for the server?

Talk About User Friendly!

Portable? With a back brace...

You're going to love all the wasted man hours!

Bargins Galore!

Compact? Seriously?

If Bill said it, I believe it and that's that!

I love the idea that this was 'micro' anything!

Very nice! Yes, the computer too..

20 Things I've Learned From Thanksgiving

Turkey size? Go big.

A healthy Thanksgiving diner is a creation of the devil.

The table space is precious. Don't waste it on foul food.

Stuffing. It's not just a suggestion.

If it weren't for family, Thanksgiving would be perfect.

You only get one vacation day for Christmas, but two for Thanksgiving.

Why? Because your pants don't fit and the management wouldn't approve 'Naked Friday.'

After the meal, moving is optional

Any one stupid enough to get up at 5:00AM the next day, can have the deals. I'm sleeping till noon.

Black Friday is also named for the death of millions of bathroom scales.

Personal trainers hate Thanksgiving

Football cannot be avoided. It's football or dishes, so football it is.

Pumpkin pie is horrible. We only eat it once a year so our mouths can forget what it taste likes.

Deep fried turkey? It should be a national sporting event!

Green bean casserole. See #3

Gravy goes with everything.

Meat, starch, carbs, starch, gravy, starch. Repeat

I see turkey and mash potato sandwiches in your future.

When in doubt, add cranberry sauce.

Gluttony = Thankfulness

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!! From KludgeSpot

Withdrawals

I've got it all, dry mouth, shaky hands, bloodshot eyes and intense stomach pains. I recently have been searching out my pleasure. Seeking it at stores and living vicariously through the stories of others. Wondering when and how my next fix will come and not knowing if I'll be able to contain myself. I know I'm gaming addict, but I thought I could break it on my own.

I've gone weeks without any video games. This is mostly owning to the fact the garage has sucked up so many hours of my time recently. I don't resent the garage. I enjoy woodworking. I like building things and making trinkets to sell to glitter goddesses that are my primary customers. I love money. Where did that come from? Well it's the truth regardless if its a tacky thing to say or not.

When I first got into woodworking it was with the desire to buy more stuff for my computer. I needed a new video card, more RAM and bigger hard drive and sweet new flat screen monitor. Since I've been selling stuff, I've had an influx of mad money. Now all I need for my machine is a new video card, more RAM and bigger hard drive and sweet new flat screen monitor. So...

Turns out I've been neglecting my geek side pretty severely. All that is about to change. My wife made the fatal mistake on Saturday. We were taking turns playing with the girls, in a 45 minute tag team style. It works out pretty well. The girls have more fun because you can just play for 45 minutes knowing your about to get 45 off.

Patricia was playing one of her silly casual games during her 45 minutes. Farm Crazy, Farming Fun or Frenzied Farmer. I have no clue, but she was enjoying herself. I'm not a causal gamer, but considering the time I wouldn't have much fun playing a RPG or FPS for quick 45 stints. She suggested I try "Mortimer Beckett and the Time Paradox". She said I might like it and that it was quite difficult. In fact she'd been stuck on it for a couple of months.

When you're an addict a little taste of your drug can change everything. Mortimer was my taste. 3 hours and 15 minutes. Mortimer didn't stand a chance. Now I want more. Casual gaming? Sure, but that's just an appetizer. It cannot be a real substitute for true gaming. I found myself on Steam later that day, searching for the soup,salad, main and dessert courses. What's a guy to do?

I'm back. Hello my new pasty bloodshot radiation permeated friend. Garage? What's that for?

Craft Show

"Where have you been man?"
"Crafting and stuff. You know."
"Hum, no. No I have no idea what you mean. What the hell is 'crafting'"
"You know, crafting and beading and stuff. You know making stuff."
"Like toaster doilies?"
"See I told you, man. You know.."

So I've been a little busy. I was invited to a crafts fair last weekend. Many of you out there just glazed over. You're comatose, staring blankly at the screen right now.

"He doesn't post for almost 2 months and then when we crave a geeky editorial we get 'crafts and beading?'"

Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. Bear with me. So when I'm not geeking out I'm woodworking in the garage. I make pens, bottle stoppers, stuff like that. I sell them in local stores, to help outfit my workshop and desktop. Keep them in the upgrades that they have become accustom. So someone saw my turned trinkets and invited me to a crafts fair.

So I spend like 6 weeks in the shop making pens, bottle stoppers, pendants and mushrooms. I was crazy! I was like the sap and wood chips king.

"Peter!"
"Yes?"
"Why are there wood chips all over the bathroom floor?"
"Weird. I dunno, must have been the kids."
"And in the kitchen, living room and our master bedroom closet?"

Anyway I setup my display on Friday and on Saturday I was required to work the show for 3 hours. Since I was the newbie, some of these ladies had been attending this show for a decade, and a nasty man (one of only two men there) I wasn't given much responsibility.

I was the official basket hander. That's right. Basket hander. I also amended greeter onto that prestigious position.

"Good morning. (SMILE) Basket?"
"Thanks"
"Good morning. (SMILE) Basket?"
"I'm just looking"
"Good morning. (SMILE) Basket?"
"oh... I suppose"
"Good morning. (SMILE) Basket?"
"Can I get a blue one?"

Yep. That was my life on Saturday morning. Saying good morning, and handing out and collecting fancy plastic shopping baskets for little old ladies, bedazzled females and the row of sulking men filing behind them wearing the face I was eager to sport. Instead I was stuck grinning like a school boy and commenting on what lovely finds where inside.

"What a darling mouse. knit?"
"Crochet."
"Of course!"

I was suppose to be relieved at 12:00 but my replacement didn't arrive until 1:30. So I think I said those words about 500 times. No joke. We were crazy packed. When I did get relieved the person said,

"Is that all? That's an easy job."
"Well, I am just a man you know."

She nodded in understanding and I walked away. Sore from standing and with a stupid grin that would take me most of the day to undo.

Signs Of The Time 2

Lock your doors & secure your valuables, the police are around!

It's nice to know where you're headed!

Eh?!

If your not already mad about dying, we're going to fine your dead behind!

No Doubt!

Signs Of the Time
Signs of the Time 3
Signs of the Time 4

Craiglist Pranks

Sweet Freaking Mercy!

I cannot believe I've left this place dormant for over a month. It appears the at the well of random thought has dried up. Not so. Nay, never...

...Okay well that's about all I have to say.

I've been thinking. That's right, lock your doors and put earmuffs on the youngsters! I give a way a fair amount of stuff on Craigslist. It cool to put something on my driveway, post my address with a picture and just say, "Come and get it!"

People come. I've given away things like as old monitors, furniture, baby gates, stuffed animals and computer memory. Someone somewhere will come. If you post it, they will come.

I have also driven all over town, picking up strange things. Things like like scrap lumber, free tools and even three boxes of old magazines. Anyway, this got me thinking... how do we know that these are legitimate?

If I was really pissed off at a neighbor down the road, couldn't I log in and post a new listing

"Free Lawn Gnomes. There are approximately 73 to choose from. Pick one or take them all! Plus free black and white cat, answers to "Mr. Boffta Wiggles!" if you can catch him. Don't worry he's mostly friendly! 123 Canal Street, Anywhere USA. "

Why not?

International Talk Like a Pirate Day 2009

Arrr! It be that time of year again me hearties. So dawn your peg legs and pray for a scurvy end to all your foes.

Get your Pirate Name!!
I be Pantin' Harley Straw

Now learn the Pirate Alphabet!

Load up with RUM. Now it's time to sing!

Korobushka Stuck Again...

Sometimes I get this song stunk in my head for no good reason. I Feel like playing Tetris now...

I thought I'd pass along the favour!

For the curious

20 Things I Learned From Training

There are two types of training, bad training and needed training. I've never witnessed good training

Training instructors are rarely the cream of the crop

When in training it's considered polite not to fall asleep

This is sometimes unavoidable

Training instructor jokes, laughing only encourages more. AKA Don't feed the bears

Trainers who know anything are few and far between. Don't bet that yours will.

Training input survey. The, 'Will I ever see this trainer again?' gamble.

There is always one person who will never get

To quote a movie, "The cows could program the VCR by now!"

This boob is also the most vocal. Please put your hand down...

They are also the best source of material typo's. How many days is this again?

Pick your lab partners carefully. Four days with "Ned the Halitosis Factory" is far from bearable.

Lab exercises...A simple game of follow the directions, and snicker at your frustrated neighbors

Bored yet? If you didn't bring your blackberry, you could always count ceiling tiles. See #3

Smokers have a training advantage... Time for another break

The best part of training is travel

How do I make three beers look like a legitimate dinner receipt?

The my favorite words uttered in training, "looks like we'll be finished early."

Online training, all the pain and none of the benefits. AKA the mangers favorite training.

All things being equal, even bad day training is better than good day working.

Clippings 2

Some more fun newspaper clippings I've found. Definitely worth a few moments of your afternoon...

I suppose this is just very thorough.

Sounds okay to me...

$3.50 reward? Clearly the man did something bad!

Central Heating?!

Sorry for this one...

Oops. Our bad!

The games criminals play...

I can't think of anything that would add to this, gold metal classifieds listing. Pulitzer. Seriously.

Loves kids. He ate two for breakfast!

Clearly the broads just a troublemaker!

Ah. The happy couple.

The food here is so...well flat.

Lazy Thursday Blues: Caption 28

Got The Lazy Thursday Blues? Well I've got the cure. It's Caption Thursday! I'll provide a picture and you provide the caption.

As always we need to adhere to good taste. Please keep it clean.