Pitching Bowling Balls

Harry's life as an investment banker wasn't going very well. So far he had already managed to lose $1300 in capitol from his sole customers portfolio since Monday. It was Tuesday. This wasn't going to look good on his resume. What he couldn't be sure of was whether or not he could fix it. Instead of trying to... Harry just quit. It has always worked for him in the past.

Quitting was the only thing that Harry was really good at. It wasn't for lack of trying. He'd held over 100 jobs in his rather stunning career. Most lasted at least a day or so. Some, well, some didn't have as much longevity. Like the night he tried his hand at bar tending. Twenty two minutes into his training, Harry almost killed his boss. He was reaching for the gin, when he bumped a rather expensive bottle of tequila off the top shelf and bludgeoned his manager in the back skull.

As he tried to stop the bleeding Harry joked, "It's true what they say about tequila! That stuff can really knock you out!"

"Your fired"

Harry smiled weakly, "Is that the tequila talking?"

"Get out!"

Mostly things didn't go that bad. He just didn't have the ability to hold down a job. Mostly he quit or just walked out. He'd been a baker, waiter, clerk, bus driver, salesman, grocery stocker, and car wash attendant. He just always felt as though he couldn't cut it. He was used to that feeling, it was like a close and understanding friend.

"This isn't for you," He'd tell Harry. "Let bail."

Harry didn't complain when he got fired. Mostly he expected it. Well, except for the time he lit the pekingese on fired during his week as a professional dog walker. He never saw that one coming!

"Johnny Billmo! Tell mommy what happened!"

"It wasn't my fault!" Harry tried to explain, "This guy just pitched his lit cigarette right in Johnny's path. And the stupid dog went over to sniff it..."

"Johnny Billmo is an purebred..."

"...and then POOF! He went up like a dried out Christmas tree!""

"...award winning Pekingese. He is not a stupid dog!"

"Well he looked pretty stupid running around like a mop on fire! I was working hard to save your dumb dog! It's just superficial!"

"Dumb dog! Superficial! Johnny Billmo hair is mostly gone! And the parts that are left are crispy smoking hard blackened wads! He has a show tomorrow!"

"Well at least he's alive! You should be thanking me!"

"Will you apologize to Johnny Billmo for your slanderous insults?"

"Never mind I quit."

So here he is again, out of work, and out of ideas. Not many jobs were left open in this town. Its amazing how your credibility and good name can tank after only one hundred failed positions. Only one thing to do.

Harry drove down to the bowling alley and sneaked down to the lane. He grabbed a shiny red bowling ball and shuffled out the side door unnoticed by anyone. After a long walk he was up on top of the highest hill in town. He squatted down and released his prize. As he stood there he watched as the shiny red ball began to pick up speed. It disappeared from view over the crest of the hill and he sat down and wondered what would happened.


Ando said...

And then? And then!?

kludge said...

I'm not sure...

Missy said...

Unfortunately I know someone who is this man! I am with Ando, I really want to know who the bowling ball hit!

kludge said...

The ball rolled down the sidewalk at tremendous speed, managing to not hit anyone or anything. It and ended up about 100 yards from the parking lot of the bowling alley, where it was discovered by Joe and Lindsy while they were walking home. They returned the rather less than shiny globe to its home.

It seems Harry couldn't even get into trouble in a proper fashion!

Jason said...

Come on. . .that's not what REALLY happened.

kludge said...

Jason- You're right...

It blew the left leg off a little old lady at the dairy queen and then lodged itself firmly in the side of the propane tanker... but it was out of there in a flash!

Happy now?! you sicko! :)

Jason said...

I am content.

Boston Love said...

I enjoyed this short story without an ending. I like to make up my own! You have a talent Bro.

Boston Love said...

Wow. Have you ever gone this long without posting??? :)

kludge said...

Boston Love-

Thank You! I'm glad you like it, I always liked stories where that leave you wondering what might come next...

It has been a while.... Let me see...