Chasing Pitchforks

The users are revolting. They've discovered that we are hording vast resources while doing our best to squash their prosperity. We only give them what we deem appropriate then scold them when they step foot outside those confines. It seems that one of the geeks have let it slip that were are sitting on the proverbial pile of food.

Two weeks ago
"Hello? What was that?", Another threating call. "Yes! It's true! We have tons of hard drive space. No. No. No, You still can't have a file share larger than 200MB. I don't care what kind of wood your office furniture is made of! We need the extra space important things, like episodes of Firefly and Planet of The Apes. We can't just give it out to anyone!"

Apparently this was not the correct response. Once word trickled through the office that IT was hording resources for themselves and making everyone else live on a 'perceived unsustainable' amount of drive space. The rebellious mutterings became louder.

"We can take down a load of geeks!"

"It's not about strength it's about power. They control communication and the infrastructure."

"Plus you need a scan card to get into their section."

"We'll find a way."

One weeks ago
We are now under siege. The mail room makes us box up our own packages, the IT supply cabinet always seems a bit bare and recently the security guard has been 'accidentally' ticketing and towing our cars. So it seems the users have given us little choice. We will have to respond.

Three days ago
We've started up a new campaign call '/usr/bin/bad', in an attempt to beat down the masses and reassert our natural right at the top of the office heap. So far We've been randomly deleting email's marked 'urgent', and flushing vast amounts of mp3's from the user shares in an attempt to quell the uprising and bucket their morale.

Yesterday
Today, finance has changed the rules and threatened to bring in the office trebuchet. Otherwise known as 'payroll'. Things just got a whole lot uglier. I'm not sure where this is going, but they are attempting to bypass our scan card doors. Payroll is indeed a might force.

Today
As the scan panels slowly clicked from red to green in all parts of the IT section, we piled into our last bastion of security. The server room. Dawning coats and shaking our heads, our breathing is inaudible over the soothing whir and hum of our faithful masters. Many among us begin to lament their present circumstances.

"Who would have thought that a mass of users who can't even remember their own passwords from day to day would be capable of this?"

"They probably hired a consultant"

So here we were, with our hand on the button of the storage array, threating the users, if they persisted all is lost. And there they are, outside the glass window looking in, as resolute as ever for more, more, more! No matter who it hurts.

I have no idea how this will end. My only real regret is that the servers will have to watch.

9 comments:

Ando said...

Do it! Press the button!

kludge said...

Do you want the world to end? Are you mad?

Becca Sports said...

We are mad. DO it!

I enjoyed catching up on your blogs!

Missy said...

No don't push the button, but please another chapter in this epic would be appreciated! Do you have enough food, do you need a lemon scone????

Tony said...

See, this is why you should hire geeks who are catalog commandos. Not only would you be better armed to deal with the angry mob of end users, but you'd also be better armed in style.

Please also note that you should also pay any tacticool gear wearing/sporting geeks well. All this SPECOPS-community favored backpacks and tricked out AK rifles-stuff ain't cheap, you know!

littleRobin said...

I would like to know who told the users there was more space? (THE MOLE.) And I would also like to know the end of the story. Did the users really have there way? Or did a superhero upper management boss squash the uprising. Please write the prequel and a sequel.

You faithful reader. Robin

kludge said...

All-

The users won.

Missy said...

oh no! Treat yourself to an iced coffee....tell your wife, happy belated birthday

jenylu said...

I'm with Robin -- would have enjoyed a continuation of the story but then your comment told the ending. My condolences.

It was fun catching up on your blog. :)