Tug Of War

"What is this?"

"It's a hardware store. Just look around!"

"I see unwashed men in baseball caps. What are we doing here?"

"We're looking at tools! Just take a gander at this beauty!"

"LOOKING AT TOOLS! What in the world! We don't belong here!"

"Why not!?"

"Because we should be at home, playing a skirmish in Supreme Commander. Every second in this place deadens us and steals our edge. How are we going to take on two adaptive AI's by standing in this lumberjacks den?"

"Wait a minute, I want to have a peek at the router bits."

"Router bits?"


"Okay, both of those words are in my vocabulary... but for some reason I'm not following you."

"A router is a device-"

"-that serves a gateway between two networks. I know. I'm the geek, remember?"

"Yes. But this kind of router shapes edges and removes material based on various cutters or 'bits'."

"Bits are knives? Wait...you want something to cut at wood? Is this a parallel dimension? What is this all about? Do I have to explain how hard it is to type with splinters and a freaking callous graveyard all over your fingertips? What could you possibly know about cutting at wood with knives. Even saying that sounds ridiculous."

"Bits. Well I've only just started, but I have to admit, it's kinda fun."



"Fun is hacking a home grown script or installing a new computer network from scratch. Fun is not cutting at wood with a shaper thingy.""

"I disagree. I've really been enjoying it."

"Is that why you've been in the garage instead of the office?"

"Right. I've been working with wood. Because it's 'fun.'"

"Cutting at wood like a beaver isn't fun! Fun is spending thirty hours in an immersive world, rendered at a blazing 10.8 billion pixels per second on a rocking video card in a system with dual quad core processors over clocked to 50% their normal specs and regulated with a liquid cooled processor mod."

"Whoa! That's quite a system. I can't afford that!"

"Not if you spend all your money on plaid t-shirts and chewing tobacco!! Should I start calling you Jeb?"

"It's just a new hobby, and right now I sort of like it. I'm not saying I'm ditching my video games. I'm just saying I like spending a few hours a week in the garage."



"You have a dust allergy!"

"It's getting better."

"Are thinking about getting tan, because if that's the case I'm never talking to you again! I mean it buddy we're done!"

"Well... I'm not avoiding the sun..."

"Baseball caps?"

"I haven't gone nuts!"

"Well, at least there's hope."

"I tell you what. I'll build you a shelf to hold all your software. That way its all organized."

"With your hands!?"


"What if you cut one of them. I need all your fingers. You understand that? Nod your head. Don't look at me like that!"

"Come on."

"Promise me! Have you ever tried to wire cables with 3 fingers. It wouldn't be pretty! Those fingers are still your livelihood, 'woodchuck'."

"I'll be careful. I promise."

"Sigh... I hope this is just another one of your stupid phases..."


Missy said...

Uh, I think I am first! :) Jason where are you?

I had wings yesterday, whoo hooo!

I picture you in the garage toiling away, but I also picture you trying to fix the shower and I have to laugh...and pray a little that your tools aren't too sharp...

kludge said...


This might be a sign of a more serious issue...

Yeah.. I make a few mistakes, but I'm getting better. I would love to spend a few hours in your big brothers shop. :)

Ando said...

I love that routers and bits fit into both your worlds with completely different meanings.

Becca Sports said...

That was a fun post! I could see someone in Home Depot thinking like that if it was new to them. I have no clue about some tools. Thank goodness for Wayne's knowledge! I have learned the difference between a screwdriver and a philips screwdriver. :)

kludge said...


It's amazing...geeks really cannot communicate well with the rest of the world.

It just two different worlds!

kludge said...


I love the hardware store, I can see why it's such a magnet for males. But I still dress like a geek. I really stick out in the hardware store..

"Son- do you know how to use that?!"

Jason said...

Missy-you won. I am now sitting in sackcloth and ashes and drinking water.

Kludge-Men are attracted to places where work is being done, and to places where the tools to do work can be purchased.

Are men attracted to actual work???

That might require another post.

kludge said...


An interesting point. Agreed, everything up the point of actual work IS appealing!

After that all the fun is just sucked dry!