Confessions Of Buffalo Winger

"Hello, my name is Peter and I'm addicted to buffalo wings."

Group :"Hello Peter"

"It's been five days since my last buffalo wing-"

Clapping

"-and while I feel good about that, I believe it just gives me an excuse to have them again shortly."

There is just no getting around it. I'm addicted to buffalo wings. It all started a young age, my father found this place on the drive home from work one day. The buffalo wing shop place. He brought them home one Friday night, and the whole family was instantly hooked. That was about sixteen years ago. I've been eating them every since.

What is it about chicken wings, with next to no meat, doused in hot sauce that is even remotely appealing? I mean, it's like the least worthy part of the animal. The wings. Next to the feet, is there a less appetizing cut of poultry? It's basically a spicy chicken bone leftover. Even now, just typing this out, I find myself salivating.

I'm like some rabid animal driven mad with desire and I'm not even sure why. Strike that. I know exactly why. It's the sauce. It's obviously laced with heroin. That can be the only explanation for why it is both so addicting and enjoyable. That's it. I'm a buffalo druggie. The worst part is I don't have any remorse. Sure I hurt the ones I love with constant trips to the wings shop, upset stomachs and the continual odor of hot sauce, but I don't care. I just need them!

There are days I can go without thinking about them, or thinking I would give them up but those days are far and few between. Mostly I'm just muscling my way to the front of the line to get the wings! MUST HAVE WINGY! Even if you don't go for buffalo wings, you can get behind the sides. Celery, blue cheese (or ranch) dressing, and buffalo chips. Not those kind! These are deep fried thick potato slices. UMM....

There is nothing even remotely healthy about this meal. It is a total heart stopper. Yet another sign of a serious addition. Welcoming death and paying out a premium in gas and cash to assure that you arrive at your great reward ahead of all your family and friends. Should I stop the indulgence? Yes, but I'd rather cut off a few years at the end of my life, then live in a world without them.

This isn't a plea for help or a petition for your intervention. I'm not looking for your help or your pity. I know what I am and I gladly embrace it! So don't worry about me, I will continue down this path that I have forged.

This post is just confession of proud and very happy buffalo winger.

12 comments:

Jason said...

What you are experiencing is called Buffalo Guilt.

When the pioneers, trailblazers, Buffalo Bill, and Annie Oakley shot all those buffalo many moons ago. . .I'm weeping now. . .all people west of the Mississippi acquired a deep-seated remorse.

As a result, you eat these. . .chicken scraps. . .as a type of modified sacrifice to appease your conscience.

But us Easterners have no such remorse. No sir! We stayed put here on OUR side of the Mississippi and ate normal normal cattle. That's right PAL.

We weren't out there on the prarie shooting things. Sure, we shot a few Englishmen, some Indians, a Frenchmen or two, and possibly drowned a couple people in the East River. . .but we our reasons.

Hope that clears things up a bit.

SJ said...

So when are we all going to get together and have wings again? I am game!

Missy said...

My mouth was watering while reading this and I thought I was a bit crazy, until you mentioned that yours was also watering. I love wings!! Now I need some for lunch...can't finish, must find wings.....

Tony said...

...Wait a minute. Buffaloes have wings?

J Crew said...

thanks to you, your sister and brother in law are in the same group. It is nice to know you have passed something down to the next generation

kludge said...

Jason-

That makes perfect sense.

That was awesome by the way!

kludge said...

SJ-

We do it once a week. You odds are good that if you have a hankering we're game!

I'm always looking for another excuse to wing it!

kludge said...

Missy-

Glad I could help...

kludge said...

Tony-

Just the babies. You have to harvest them fast.

Rack it up to another crazy American Tradition. I'm sure there are a few more in that column!

kludge said...

J Crew-

I love sharing vices! It's a gift of mine

Boston Love said...

If lovin' wings is wrong I don't want to be right.

kludge said...

Boston Love-

Preach It Sister!