20 Things I Learned From Star Trek

Our mission is to seek out new life and new civilizations in order to make them just like us.

The Federation comes in peace. But if you provoke us we'll light you up like a warp core!

The functionality of any technology is inversely proportional to to it's urgency of need.

There is no crime on Earth, there is also no money. It is a very boring place, which is why we're in space, shooting photon torpedoes at other species.

Klingons really like prune juice.

Ferengis are the species with the clearest motivations. I might not always agree but I always understand.

At some time in the future we do away with physics. Therefore we have no relativity and have replaced it with huge explosions in the vacuum of space. Explosions are cooler than relativity anyway.

Borgs are more appealing if they're sexy women in a catsuit and spike heels. So much for the role of feminism in the 24th century.

Even though we have phasers and disruptors, It always comes down to the punch!

Evil always wears a beard.

The Federation has no need for currency. Unless you find yourself at a Dabo table, then all Starfleet officers have plenty of gold pressed latinum on hand.

Fuses where outlawed in the Federation, because everyone likes sparks on the bridge.

When in doubt, reverse the polarity. This might also be the reason we did away with fuses...

Jettisoning Warp Cores 101. Right after Polarity Reversal Theory at StarFleet tech academy.

You can scan and lock onto life signs, unless you've been issued a communicator badge. Then that becomes the sole tracking device.

What happens on Risa stays on Risa

The universal translator; does it ever make mistakes? "Oh you want to see Remus!! At ease men..."

What was Uhura's job again? Can't we just put that on speaker phone?

The holodeck is the most deadly form of Federation entertainment

Don't screw with the timeline or you might end up with a whole new Star Trek reality.

Wasting Time

So.. It seems there is something severely wrong with me. Right. You all knew that. Regardless. I've been watching Star Trek Enterprise for the first time. As I progress through the seasons, I find myself captioning still frames in my head. So... Without further ado.

My severely altered Star Trek Captions.


Archer: Oh Great!
T'Pol: A problem captain?
Archer: I should think so! I put in my money, pushed A7, and now my freeze dried cheese curls are stuck!
T'Pol: Captain?
Archer: Help me rock it free!



Trip: sigh... Alright Cap'an no one is looking.
Archer: 'Billie Jean is not my lover ...'



Trip- guys...there's someone watching us. Fat guy, on the couch, eating popcorn, in their underpants wearing Vulcan ears.
Mayweather- I'm not looking!



Archer: What the hell are you doing with my dog?
Phlox: Pineapple Jello mold.
Archer: Yum.


Archer: Where's your other hand?
Silik: Between two pillows.
Archer: THOSE aren't PILLOWS!


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