Thursday, March 08, 2012

Fantastically Lacking Post Collage

In looking over the suggestions remaining in the Will Work For Posts post I decided to combine them into a fantastically lacking post collage. Why a collage? It sounds better than hodgepodge....

  • Suggestion by Homestyle Mama (with a side of autism):"I really liked your coffee post. The one where the cup never emptied :)"

    I don't think this was so much a suggestion as just a reader being polite. Sort of, "I kinda liked it when you lost your mind and driveled on about nonsense for like 400 words." I'm glad you liked that and equally surprised that you got through the post in it's entirety. These posts are a main reason why I blog. To get this stuff out of my brain.

    My wife used to have to listen to my hair-brain theories at length while driving in the car or lying in bed. She too is glad that I now post them instead of talking to her about them. Don't fret, more like this will always be supplied by my semi-broken brain. Stick around...


  • Suggestion by Tina:you could train to be a firefighter! "Kludge on Fire"!"

    No. I would actually die. I have enough embarrassing stories, I don't need my eulogy to be one as well...

  • Suggestion by Tim:"Why is it that commuters all have ADD. I see the same commuters every morning with their gps on. Did they forget how to get to work after going to sleep the night before?"

    Totally got this one... I uh... because aliens...er unicorns...no...ah because they're stupid. Yeah. They're a bunch of dummies.

    I honestly don't know. I really want to make something cool out of this one, but I'm failing. You win, Tim. I got nothing. Sorry.

  • Suggestion by Tina:"why is it that a kid can have 6 pounds of food caked around his mouth, and he's okay with that - but if his hands are in any way remotely dirty, everything has to stop and we have to "wash up"?"

    Having two kids I have found out that they really don't make any sense. Who programs the new kid models coming down the pipe?! Has it always been like this? Did our parents just pretend that we were smart because they didn't want to lose face in front of their friends?

    For a while I thought it was just my kids. My eldest girl, Alexis has down syndrome. More often than not Alexis makes sense. You can't explain things to her, and she's not caught up developmentally but she rarely behaves in a matter that doesn't make sense. We turn off the TV and she gets mad. We tell her we have to brush her hair, she cries. We tickle her and she laughs. It's not easy, but it is logical.

    Hannah, my five year old, on the other hand is broken. She refuses to go to the bathroom until the last possible second. She has to scream and run in an effort to 'keep the pee in" She likes corn, peas, salad and refuses to eat pop tarts.

    She can fall and scrape up half the skin on her legs and be fine. "No big deal Dad, see? It doesn't hurt," but put a fly in the room and she'll start bawling and freaking out.

    They're all broken models with buggy code. I can't think of any other explanation. We have to keep upgrading them with knowledge and hope their little processors can handle the strain...


    Thanks everyone for the ideas! I appreciate it!
  • 5 comments:

    Tim said...

    YEAH! I won. What is it? A big cash prize or is it a new car. Blue is my favorite color. You can park it out front. Just leave the keys in the big cash prize bag.

    kludge said...

    HA!

    I'm on it Tim!

    Drake Davenport said...

    While it is true that the commuters could be stupid, I think another possibility presenting itself here. Obviously, the GPS devices are needed to run the vehicles. Now that can mean one of two things: either the commuters have a rare disease that targets short-term memories, or the GPS devices are literally required for the driving of these vehicles. Now, if the GPS's are driving the vehicles, are they just devices created to make the commuters' lives easier, or are they sentient? Are these devices the next evolutionary chain in the coexistence of humans and transformers, or simply a new species fighting for their share of the world? Either way, it is an historical fact: sharing the world has never been humanity's defining attribute.

    kludge said...

    Drake for the SAVE!

    Ando said...

    RE kids....

    Lily, who is four, has always been deathly afraid of touchig the ceiling. Until recently I assumed this was because she was afraid of heights, a not uncommon phobia shared by many, kids and grown ups alike. It may have started out this way, but I realized recently that now it isn't the heights so much as the ceiling itself! When outside I put her up on my shoulders all the time and it doesn't bother her. But inside she freaks out. I've never like out 1970's popcorn ceiling either, but I never thought it was out to get anyone.