Peters Theorem of Domestic Relativity

Albert Einstein said lots of stuff. I'm sure most of you are aware of that. Some of the things he said makes sense to me. Most of what he said made sense to no one but the most brilliant minds on Earth. Odds are if you are reading this blog, you're not too smart either. Which means that no matter how much I screw up his theories no one reading this is ever going to know!

Now that we have established a baseline for this post, let me continue. One of Einstein's big ideas was that all motion was relative. Which means that time was relative to motion as well. Which means that although we perceive time as being a constant it could change depending on how fast you get going. In grade school we were told that if you could travel at the speed of light you would perceive the passage of time differently then those who were not traveling at the speed of light. A week to you traveling at light speed might be equal to a decade or so for those not traveling that speed.

This is getting complicated...let me try again.

You go fast -> time slows down.
You slow down -> time speeds back up.

So what if this were true when you weren't traveling at light speed? What about other times in life?

Two people can perceive time totally differently. For instance, when you have no obligations doesn't time seems to fly by? Like vacation?

"This is the longest day of vacation I've ever had in my life!"

"I know. I just sit and relax, sit and relax and it's still only 9 O'clock!"

Never. Lets be honest, vacations always fly way too fast. Am I right? And work seems to drag on till there is no end in sight! If it didn't who would ever complain about having to go to work?!

"Off to work! See you soon!!"

So if we all experience the same perception of the passage of time relative to our situation then who's to say it's not true? If it is true then there a few things to take note of.

First is that when time is moving more slowly you are moving more quickly and therefore aging less. Which means that on vacation you're just dying quicker than you would at work. That's a nice way to think of it when others leave for fun in the sun and you can't. Replace jealously with pity and know that your life just got longer relative to theirs.

Of course if the corporations ever got hold of this information the propaganda campaigning would be unbearable.

  • Live a long and healthy life, work overtime!

  • Sign up with Corpacon, our company offers 1/2 the vacation time of other firms!

  • Corpacon cares, we give you double shifts!

  • Day passing too quickly? Try some filing!


  • Some of you are saying to yourselves right now, "How much younger do you think I am, now that I've just mucked through 500 words of this crap?" Well, instead of contempt, you should be thanking me for all those wrinkles I just saved you! Of course right now it's just a theory, but hey you never know...

    2 comments:

    Tina said...

    I like the picture of the funny man.

    kludge said...

    Agreed. He's a looker!