Secret Diary of Luke Skywalker Pt.1

Dear Diary:
Uncle Owen is a Correllian piss ant! Seriously, this is the last straw! If he pulls that "one more season" crap on me again I'm going to flip out. Big help Anut Beru is... Biggs and the other guys all have power converters for their landspeeders. I'm sick and tired of moisture vaporators. Oh diary...I wish Uncle Owen would just drop over dead.

Dear Diary:
So I'm stuck talking to the stupid protocol droid all day. Like I care how many stinking Jawas can fit inside a sandcrawler. I'm this close to blasting his head off "I'm C3PO and I've been aboard an rebel cruiser for the past 20 years but I can't tell you one thing interesting about about it! But If you want to know the statistical improbability of finding a driod in the desert I can spit that out in a second!!" If I ever find out what slug rat build this wreck I'd give him what for...maybe with the business end of my rifle.

Dear Diary:
We just met a broken down old hermit. R2 showed him a picture of a hot chick, he gave me a light up stick and tried to convert me to his crazy religion. I like him.

Dear Diary:
Remember when I said Uncle Owen was a Correllian piss ant? Turns out the StormTroppers thought so too. I put on a good show for the hermit man, and now we're on on our way to Anchorhead. Maybe I'll get to use my light stick...

Dear Diary:
In only a hour or two, I've completely changed my outlook on the world. I'm now a crazed zealot in a new religious order. It's amazing how persuasive an old man can be. I hope he didn't use that mind trick on me. Naw...

Dear Diary:
We met a smug talking smuggler and walking dog man. I'm already acting rude and superior to him about my newfound faith. Ben seems pleased by my progress. I hope we don't have to swear celibacy or any crazy thing like that...

Dear Diary:
I don't have a lot of time and much has happened. Long story short, Han, Dog boy and I found the hot chick. Ben was killed, and Robot man got his light stick. I was so mad I started screaming and almost blew our get away. Luckily I started to hallucinate and we escaped. Too bad about the Hermit man, I really wanted his light stick...

Dear Diary:
I feel bad for Dog boy, everyone just pretends to understand him. I'd want to rip peoples arms out if they all ignored me too. One thing about Wookies I have learned, you never want to use the restroom right after them. I still smell horrible. Han can't stop laughing and suggested I incinerate my clothes... I'm hoping the Stormtroopers come after him next.

Dear Diary:
I'm feeling a little guilty for lying to Wedge. I have no idea what a womp rat is and just said it to get attention. Hopefully he doesn't go up in a flaming ball of fire like Uncle Owen. I might just start running out of friends.

Dear Diary:
We won. Thanks to my hallucinations I made a lucky shot that blew up the sphere ship. I saved the day only after most of my comrades died horrific meaningless deaths. You've never heard so much screaming. Thankfully there seems to be a lot more people than ships here on the rebel base and no one seems too upset about the casualties. All in all a pretty good couple of days. I think I'm going to like this new life...

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

dude....put down the mouse GENTLY, and slowly step away from the compooter...

wn\sloe

Anonymous said...

wn/Dave S

Are these the new coordinates for thread killing threads?

kludge said...

@ Sloe & DaveS

HA!!

Just wait till I get home and take a slug of NyQuil

Ando said...

Awesome!