A Marketing Tale

I've been working in IT for over 15 years now and in the corporate environment since 1998. In that time, most places I've been at have not wanted for much in the way of computers. All in all the computers were always up to date and reasonably fast. Certainly adequate for whatever task was needed of them. Irregardless of this effort, nothing was ever good enough for the sheer vanity that was the Marketing department.

Aloft in the golden tower and miles away from the inferior wielders of the physical world. Marketing did not concern itself with the petty fumbling of Operations, Quality Assurance or Intellectual Properties. No, they dealt on a higher plane. A plane lacking in foresight, understanding or reality. In IT we considered marketing as the only place you could find someone willing to demonstrate their golf swing on request and the last bastion of civilization comfortable in embroidered polo shirts.

Move along to the day when Marketing got word of the newest thing. The 19" monitor. You remember, the big old CRT kind that took you and two co-workers to relocate it a quarter inch to the left. These were the big gloat in my pre 2k office world. As an IT support tech, I hated them. I hated them because I had to lug them around to everyone who was "special" enough for this "prestigious" update.

Keep in mind, the corporate world isn't about fair. These bulking hulks of Trinitron monitor delight weren't for the needy, no sir. Screw you R&D and the technical writing staff! Those 15 inch monitors are more than enough for updating detailed CAD drawings! No, these were for those departments that could shell out the dough for them. As the way of most bleeding edge tech, the first spoils always seemed to end up in Marketing.

Ah yes, Marketing. Loaded with budget and lacking in clue. They already had an office popcorn machine and soda station. As far as the monitors go, they had no more use for them then the screaming fast BMW M3's that littered our business parking lot. But these monitors were an office status symbol and thus deemed an "intangible benefit" by the head of the Sales Division. This woman was 20 years past her prime, with deep dyed flame red hair and a penchant for forest green pant suits. We often referred to her as the "Evil Wrinkled Leprechaun" of Sales. When she wasn't cackling on the phone or scaring away clients with her unwelcome advances she was bringing pain to IT.

"We ordered dozens of those giant monitors for the whole division. We simply must have the big ones as the others are practically unusable!"
"Seriously? What does Marketing need with 19 inch monitors"
"Well. For E-mail of course"
"You know the native resolution is higher on these than the 17's"
"Obviously, and higher is better!"

That meant hours of us techs walking back and forth from the lowest level of building "A" to the highest level of Building "C" with 800lb monitors on our shoulders.

"Peter? Is that you? Where's your head man..."
"Yea... Should have been here 20 minutes ago when I was trying to push the elevator button with my feet."

Then after all the work was finally done they realized, much like the sport suspension mode in their beloved BMW, they had no use for these things.

"They take up the WHOLE desk!"
"I know. They're freaking heavy too..."
"Well. Sheesh. This isn't going to work."
"We've already given your 17" monitors to the Engineering department. They're thrilled."
"Crap. Well can you at least make the icons bigger? I can't see anything on this monster..."

Marketing. The corporate engine where all wasted work originates. Everyone else is just an imitator or a mid level IT manager hoping to hitch a ride to a higher rung of brainless dwelling on the corporate ladder.


Mr. M said...

"They're trilled."

Fitting some Star Trek into your stories, eh? lol

kludge said...


Oops! Fixed.

Tony said...

Ohhh yeah, now that sounds like my work alright. It's almost like they make it a point to spend gobs of money on ridiculous things.

"Man I'm bored with real work. Ooh, I know! Let's dump a ton of money on motorized desks for 'ergonomy reasons' and then change offices, leaving the desks behind, after two weeks!"

Of course, what makes it worse is that this place spends tax payers money on their stupid stunts. Damn it, now I need some whiskey again...