Bumper Sticker Car

I've succumbed. I've caved. I'm now that guy. The bumpersticker guy. I've seen lots of bumperstickers in my life. Some are funny or political or fervent or selling you something you don't even care about. Some are ranting, belittling and rude. Others are just a tag, like I'm Irish, I like Shih Tzu, my kids brighter than your kid, or I let Calvin pee on other cars. Or my personal favorite, "I don't like computers so I paid too much for this Apple, but they gave me a free sticker." You know, stuff like that.

For the most part I like the funny ones. What do I care if you visited glacier national park? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for you but... why tell me? What am I suppose to do, cheer back here behind you? Clap? I sometimes bring my lips in together in that fake clown like smile and nod my head. Is that enough appreciation for how much the sticker cost? I mean, I went to Petaluma Ca for Buffalo wings last week. Honestly does anyone want to know? I doubt it.

"He's from Great Britian! Honk the horn"
"No! Why?!"
"I have a great aunt from England. Honk the horn I want to wave at him!!"

Seems to me that bumperstickers serve one purpose. That is to give the person behind me something to look at and ponder. Either like,

"That dude supported that creep!? Unbelievable!"
"Brace yourself kids, dads in ramming mode..."
"Not again! AHHA!"

Or maybe a puzzle one,

"No all who wander are lost. What the hell does that mean.."
"It's from -"
"No no! Don't tell me! I want to figure it out."

Regardless of the reason, I have gone from being a pristinely unbumperstickered car (made up a new word just now!) to one with a figurine of St. Anthony, the patron St. of bacon, firmly adhereed to my dash and two new bumperstickers on the tailgate.

As I get free cafepress money from time to time, I opted for my own designs a "Not Albino Geek" sticker and a "Runs With Power Tools" sticker. My wife is sufficiently supportive and yet equally tense that my new sticker collection tailgate might draw unwelcomed (made up another new word) attention...

Unwelcomed attention? What's that?


RC said...

That's great...we need a shot of the bumper stickers too...
And Patron saint of Bacon...that's pretty sweet.

Jason Michael Parrish said...

We never had bumper stickers on our cars growing up. My parents thought they were barbaric eyesores. They never (except once) even let a dog or a cat inside.

I've always wondered what it would be like to own a bumper stickered car.