Taking A Stab At Unicorns

Unicorns are a mythological creature. They are a fantasy, much in the same way as this blogs popularity is. They don't exist except in the minds of story spinners and in a few odd corners of Manhattan. For the most part people accept this and move on with their lives understanding that they will never get to see one.

Others defy this logic and spend hours of their lives gluing horns on horses heads in some vein attempt to re-capture their youthful imagination, a good photo op from the local newspaper or just a good portion of someone else's hard earned money in the kitty of their traveling freak show. Some people will just never learn.

"Welcome to my unicorn farm."

"Where are their horns?"

"We cut them off every year and sell them as party hats to the tourists."

"Doesn't that hurt the Unicorns?"

"No. Don't be silly. It's just like getting a haircut."

Unicorns do exist, I rode one at the fair. That's a lie. I didn't ride it, but I did see it. No I'm kidding, I never go to the fair. That's a lie too. I love the fair, well... sometimes. Mostly though I just like to go into the hall of 'seen on TV' products and marvel at the wonders of non-stick waffle and salsa makers and wonder why everyone on Earth isn't using this amazing new whammy shammy to clean up messes! So anyway... what was I saying?

Right. Unicorns like bacon. No... that wasn't it. They do, but we weren't addressing their dietary needs. Ah yes, I recall.

Ahem...Science cannot disprove the existence of unicorns. So too bad for the folks who brought us the explanation of osmosis, the correct atomic weight of barium and my personal favorite, the inclined plane. So sorry, but with all the white lab coats in the world, not even the brave men and women of science can claim the unseen doesn't exist. Just that it's highly unlikely. And if they do, these creepy horse horned things somehow managed to avoid dying in river beds and begin covered in sedimentary rock for all these years.

Regardless people will still hold some unnatural obsession with the most boring of all these mythical beasts. The one horned horse. The white, good natured one horned horse. I'm sorry but if I'm going to believe in a myth, at least it should be slightly interesting. Like a Minotaur or a Hydra. Sure they're deadly, but hey, you always know when you've seen one.

"Was that a man with the head of a bull wielding an axe?"

"No Bob... I think your eyes are just playing tricks on you again."


Ando said...

I once saw Elvis in a Swenson's ice cream shop bathroom. This seemed an appropriate comment when I started writing it.

kludge said...


It make more sense than this whole post does...