Coffee Everlasting

Today I was driving down the road when I turned and looked at the person next to me. I do this all the time and I know I'm not alone in this practice. Daily, I'll gaze over and hope for a brief glimpse into their dull life, believing in my heart that it is as pathetic and meaningless as mine. Actually that's not true. I actually wish that theirs is much more pathetic and meaningless than mine.

Anyway. So there we are at a stop light when I glance over at this unassuming tan Volvo station wagon and think, "I have to have a more interesting life than anyone who would own a 1982 Volvo station wagon!" Seriously, how could you buy a car that's shaped like a giant LEGO if you had even a hint of romance or a spark of creativity in your soul. You couldn't. Maybe it was a gift or something.

Just when I was about to feel vastly superior while sitting in my dirty 1997 Nissan XE king cab, something unexpected happened. They raised a Starbucks cup to their lips and took the last sip of coffee. I know it was the last sip because the cup was angled in such a way that if there had been more than a couple of drops of coffee left, they would have been showered in brew and drown in their own latte.

I felt remorse for them. Not only were they stuck in a boring Swedish automobile with the universal symbol for virility emblazoned on their steering but now they're out of freaking latte!

Wait... here comes the cup again. They take another sip. What?! Then another.

At this point the light changes to green and we drive off in different directions but it's okay because I know exactly what happened. This person had succeeded in creating an Einstein-Rosen bridge and not only that but had proved that material could be transfered between them. In addition they had bonded this bridge between a fixed point and a moving vector which was an extraordinary accomplishment. If all that wasn't enough they had also contrived the most brilliant application of this technology.

The everlasting cup of coffee. By initiating the bridge between their coffee cup and then pinning the far end of this wormhole in the bottom of a warming carafe, they could essentially have a hot cup of Joe whenever they wanted. Imagine hot coffee on the fly without the need to keep large thermos in tow. Plus this bridge allowed for the carafe to be whatever size needed. That means they could make enough coffee for a day or even a fortnight. It was absolutely brilliant.

Of course now the inconspicuous Volvo becomes apparent. Obviously this technology was offered to the public but suppressed by the drive through coffee company's who make their living on having, "coffee when you need it." (I put that in quotes in case any drive through coffee company was looking for an awesome new catchphrase). So now they have to use the bridge in secret all disguised by a harmless cup of coffee.

Wow. It's amazing what you can see in the car next to you if you only take the time to really look!


Drake Davenport said...

Are you sure they weren't trying to send you a message using coffee-to-lips morse code?

Sarah Kuhner said...

You think way too much when you are driving. Ever just turn on the music and sing along. . . . No probably not. :o)

Jason Michael Shuttlesworth said...

I believe you. Some people simply have the remarkable ability to channel and focus electrons, neutrons, and protons from their surroundings to a fixed point in space such that the end result is an increase in the amount of stuff that was there in the first place.

But I'm clueless as to why the fellow was driving a Volvo. He must be trying to remain anonymous.

Ando said...

You're insane. But that's...ok.