A Gentleman in Traffic

This morning on the way into the office I was wearing an old flannel shirt sporting no less than three holes in it. (For the record I'm still wearing it and have not decided to go all 'office nudist.' I'm sure my coworkers appreciate that.) In addition to my old shirt I didn't shave this morning and as such am a bit grizzly looking. (In that overweight baby faced geeky sort of grizzly look. You don't see many of these in nature as they spend most of their time in trees avoiding the other more macho grizzlies.) So this morning while I rounded the penultimate corner to my office I passed someone who stood out to me. A gentleman in traffic.

In contrasts to my attire and grooming this man looked like my polar opposite. He was a late-middle aged white haired man. He sat up straight with perfect posture behind the wheel of his Bavarian made coupe. He had a finely trimmed white beard that appeared to give even more credence to his motivated face. He wore a pair of wire rim glasses and had both hands on his rosewood steering wheel.

I only saw for an instant but it was enough to give me an impression. Immediately I thought, "It's Sigmund Freud!" Wait, that's ridiculous! After I got hold of my senses. I re-approached the situation with a more rational mindset.

I reasoned that he must obviously be a undercover government operative. Either that or a doctor. Seeing as no doctors would ever be up that early in the morning, he must be with the CIA. So what would a CIA handler be doing heading east from the poultry packing facility? Is the foul stench of foul and the endless parade of paper gown clad migrant workers simply a front for a government prject?

That's when it hit me... Bigfoots. We all know that sasquatch are real and obviously used for border enforcement by the government. Why else would the Canadian border have such a low rate of crossing while the Mexican border leaked like a sieve? Obviously sasquatch are keeping it clear from lawless Canadian illegals, but at what cost? Chickens.

The chickens are used so that the beasties can stay hidden without the need to raid local AM/PM's or vacationers picnic baskets for sustenance. The less sightings of these creatures raises the fear the Canadian illegals will have when they meet face to furry belly button with the towering border guards. If there were pictures on the news and interviews with bigfoots on Larry King the CIA would lose the inherent usefulness of their army. So the CIA are shipping truckloads of chickens up to Montana, Minnesota, Maine, New York and North Dakota to feed theses border beasts. You'll notice that no sasquatch are patrolling Ohio or Michigan. Not even Canadians are that desperate.

So just know that good work is being done, here in my small town by clean, well groomed gentlemen and their loyal army of bigfoots in the ever growing war against rouge Canadian illegals. Either that or Sigmund Freud has been reborn...


Tina said...

You are, by far, the coolest blogger whose nickname starts with a "k" that I know.

Jason Michael Parrish said...

Are you sure it's not 'Sasquatches.'

kludge said...

Sasquatches, Sasquatchy? Bigfeet?

Not sure...

kludge said...