Rebirth

"Frank! There you are."

"Hey..."

"You were suppose to meet me at the office, remember? The client?"

"Client?"

"Yea, you remember, the deep fried peanut butter people."

"That sounds repugnant. We're not working for them are we?!"

"What do you care? You missed the meeting..."

"Sorry."

"...and the free samples."

"Maybe I'm not so sorry after all."

"Whatever. Look, what have you been doing that is so important, that I had to eat deep fried peanut butter all by myself?"

"I'm evolving."

"I see, isn't that fine."

"Yes, well.."

"How nice."

"Yes..."

"Good for you."

"Thank you."

"Frank?"

"Yes?"

"I'M GOING TO STRANGLE YOU!"

"What!?"

"I have been belching up greasy peanut butter for the last 20 minutes by myself because you have been sitting at a coffee shop...uh...EVOLVING!? Are you completely out of your mind!?"

"No. I'm actually highly advanced. Which is why I'm evolving you're not."

"Frank. Evolution doesn't take place in an afternoon, over a mocha latte! It takes tens of thousands of years."

"It only takes one mutation to get the whole thing rolling though."

"Well, in theory, yeah I suppose... wait. Why am I even having this conversation with you. This is idiotic. Frank. You are not evolving, your having a mental breakdown. It's much easier to explain, and there are already plenty of medications for it."

"No, listen. Darwin predicted a slow path for evolution, the gradual slant with lots of in-between species, or links. But most scientists have long since abandoned Darwinian evolution and instead believe in a theory based on positive mutations. You know, the first human with a larger cranial cavity or more agile fingers..."

"And all the other Neanderthals were so jealous, that they decided to go down to Beverley Hills and have their skulls hollowed out, just to be hip?"

"Look, I'm not going to try and explain it to you. That's the way it works okay?"

"One ape just gets fed up with not being able to use a comb properly, so he just says, 'enough is enough!" and has a kid with an opposable thumb? Is that about the just of it?"

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing a good stomach pumping wouldn't solve."

"Anyway, regardless of your sour mood..."

"And sour stomach..."

"Look! You are looking at the next phase in human evolution! I'm that mutant. Can you please stop acting all petty and stupid."

"Fine. Frank Groves, isn't a starving advertising salesmen, he's the next stage in human evolution. Not only, overweight and short, with male pattern baldness, but just happens to be 'What's next' for the whole species."

"Look man, I was pretty surprised myself."

"Okay fine. Prove it"

"Okay."

**CRACK!**

"You...You..."

"Just grew a third arm."

"three..."

"I know. I told you. I'm evolving."

"Frank... I'm, uh... feeling a bit light headed. I think I should sit..."

**CRASH!**

"Three arms and I couldn't even catch him. Oh well, it's a lot to get used to in one afternoon. I mean who would have ever thought you could just go out and get deep fried peanut butter! What will they think of next... I'm going to need some new shirts."

6 comments:

jenylu said...

Your mind amazes me! :)

Let's see, what do I wish I could evolve? A brain that could remember where I parked my car would be a good start! :)

kludge said...

Jenylu-

I'm with you, something more useful and less noticeable!

Missy said...

I think a third hand would always be helpful, blowing your nose while driving, safety first! Can't think of anything else, oh well. Great Friday post, looking forward to next Friday, no pressure......

Becca Sports said...

I wish I could evolve into an octopus (maybe that is evolving backwards)? I need more arms to get things done. A few extra eyes would be great as well. Since I'm making a list, maybe if I could just clone myself about 7 times that would be even better.

Great Friday post! With creative minds like yours, there is proof that we didn't evolve. :)

kludge said...

Missy -

I agree with you, I was thinking about all the things I could do with an extra hand... I just can't figure out where to put it!

kludge said...

Becca-

I could use a clone. Would it be wrong to enslave yourself? Is it really wrong at that point?