Deadly A-Salt

Harvested from almost every corner of the planet, used extensively in homes of millions if not billions of people worldwide. It's obvious that this foe is not going to loosen its grip anytime in the near future. It has you where it wants you, always shaking and thirsting for more.

Lets face it, salt is a naughty spice. Is it a spice or a seasoning? Is there a difference? I want to say spices come from roots, but I'm not sure. Regardless, I always think of spices as exotic, like nutmeg, coriander or galangal. Salt is just so familiar. Like your friendly neighborhood grocer.

#START: OFF THE BEATEN PATH RANT
What is up with the name grocer. Could there be a worse occupational title? Hello! It sounds, from his title, that this man is just mired in filth all day long. "Rotten Produce! Get your rotten produce here!!"

Maker of barrels: Cooper.
Exchanger of monies: Banker.
Liar and kisser of babies: Politician.
Purveyor of food goods: Grocer.

Personal I think someone drew the short straw on this one!
#END: OFF THE BEATEN PATH RANT

Anyway...

Salt is just so familiar. Like...well...like a close friend. You just couldn't imagine the world without them. Little did you know that this close friend of yours, was an evil fiend of the highest order, ready to stab you in the back.

1. Salt makes you thirsty. Easy proven, eat salty foods, and you get thirsty.

"Well, it still really tastes good. I suppose I can let this one go. So I'll drink a bit more water, soda or grape Kool-Aid. I'm certainly not giving up salt!"

2. Salt bloats you. Even in small amounts, you require more liquids, but salt is a greedy master and will not relinquish that liquid willingly.

"So I retain a little extra water, it's just salts nature. It's not like it's doing it on purpose. What do I care if I can't spin my wedding ring anymore."

3. Salt makes you hungry. A common tool by enterprising restaurants who give out free appetizers loaded with salt, to further their own food sales. They even go so far to put a shaker on the table, so you can 'have a bit more'. Bit by bit, you eat yourself into a bloated stuffed salt surrendering trophy piece.

"It's not salts fault that I eat too, much. I'd probably overeat even without salts loving nudges. Salt is a friend of mine. There is no way you can make me stop salting my fries!"

Salt can kill you. This fact long known by snails, slugs and dandelions, salt is a low down murder disguised in your fancy ceramic pug dog shaker! Excessive salt can raise your risk of hypertension, edema, ulcers and stomach cancer. In fact if you consume enough salt (about 1 g per kg of body weight) you can just die from that. Salt isn't your friend, in fact salt will only be truly happy if you are dead, smiling out from the Morton's cylinder with glee and joy.

"Salt is Evil!"

Yes my friends, your best friend might be your worst nightmare. Salt is evil. Now... where did I put my sea-salt and vinegar chips?!

6 comments:

J Crew said...

Salt= goodness! Enough said!

kludge said...

J Crew-

At least we'll die happy

jenylu said...

In addition to what you mentioned, salt also seems somewhat omnipresent! I discovered that big-time trying to cook low-sodium meals for Scott's grandma.

My advice -- avoid prepared food when possible (very high in sodium)so you can feel free to season the homemade stuff to your liking. Because face it, salt makes almost everything taste better!

Ando said...

When did salt, and pepper for that matter, become the universally accepted "comes-with-the-table" seasoning? At what point did people stop saying, "Hey, someone left some glass cylinders filled with white and black stuff on this table." When did we start taking it for granted?

SJ said...

I LOVE salt - - -

Jason said...

Salt. . .you said all.

It's not. . .just salt.

It's more complicated. It's REALLY sodium chloride or potassium chloride or barium chloride or magnesium chloride or, or anything with chloride. It's that evil nasty nefarious cloride in it that makes it evil.

Chloride.

Chlor-ide.

Killer-ide.

Killer Id'd.

Nasty chloride.

(enough procrastinating, now back to work)