This is a full fledged rant.

Trendy Idiots:

1. Mini Motorcycles. "Yea I have a motorcycle!" "It cost me $500, you have to be a midget, and I can't go any roads!" "Sweet huh?" I hate that people drive them down the road and expect me to avoid them. They only have two gears, so they’re unbelievably LOUD, and these dopes always give you the, "I'm a stud with my masculinely minute motorcycle," look. If I was a girl (spare us all), I couldn't imagine dating this guy.
We used to have a moron who would drive around our neighborhood about 50 times before he finally decided it wasn’t fun anymore, or maybe that's how long it took for his mommy to clean his room. I’m powerless to do anything about it, though I admit thoughts of nails, spikes, and elaborate macho-male dream scenes (if you’re a female- ask your male friends)

2. Fuzzy Boots – I'm sorry if this one offends, but you need to know. Okay... well the truth is, you look like an Eskimo in the big city. I'm sorry but no one cares how comfortable they are. This is a mistake… remember the side ponytail? The polo collar pulled up? Spray on hair? Pegged pants? Color changing T-shirts? I have pictures of me in pegged pants and they make want to cry. "But everyone else was doing it," doesn't wipe the pain away.

3. Gauged Ears - This is out of control. I don’t even get this one. Here's the only issue... there is no going back. You broke it you bought it. Understand?

"So you want an Earring?"
“No I want people to see thru my ear!”
“They’re terribly useful”
“Sure, I can hold my pen, or dry cleaning, and I can see if I cleaned behind my ears!”

-sigh… I feel better


Ando said...

Oooh, I never thought of holding drying cleaning with a body piercing. What a great idea. THanks, you've inspired me.

J Crew said...

The earring thing drives me nuts. It;s almost like you want to ask them if they can stick an entire pack of gum through that ginormous hole in their ear. As for the bikers, I'm sure that anyone who owns a Harley would want those guys to be part of their gang!!

kludge said...

Ando - It's no wonder I got a blog. I need to impart this knowledge to the waiting world.

kludge said...

J Crew- I have an oil painting of that! 15 guys with tats beards and chaps, strattling thier hogs, hanging on to thier ape bars, with one mini-motocycle guy drinking a frappicino.