I was just reading a friends a Facebook update. "There's no better way to start your work day than by fixing a leaking faucet..." This sent a rush of memories flooding back to me. While I was growing up, finding out that the old man was going to start a plumbing project was akin to hearing that there was going to be a nuclear assault in our bathroom. In fact a nuclear assault might have been a lot less painful and no one would have to suffer through more than one.
My father always intended to be successful. He was a proficient reader and studier. He could understand a project and get all the best advice, but when it came to adversity he had no defense. That's not completely true, he did have his hammer but more on that later.
For whatever sick reason, plumbing projects always started on Sunday afternoon. Leaky faucets, slow drains or broken toilets could happily malfunction all week without incurring the wrath of "Officer Fixit". Come Sunday those same mild irritations become obstacles in his mind. No obstacles should be allowed to exists in officer Browns' homestead. Obstacles are there for one reason. To be brought down.
So the well planned assault on the sink would begin. My mother would send my sister and I outside so the neighborhood could see that innocents were evacuated from the premises and any sounds of destruction were either on willing adults or lifeless porcelain objects. Sometimes this was just a drill and everything would go fine.
"The leak is fixed Karen"
"What?"
"What do you mean, 'What?' It's all fixed. Got dinner ready?"
This outcome was welcome, but rare. Mostly it went down like this...
He would be going along fine until some tight part wouldn't come loose, or some loose part could not be tightened. At that point the simmering would begin.
"WHAT! You %&*# thing."
"Honey?"
"NOT NOW!"
After a bit the hammer would come out. Oh the hammer. What a man's tool. There is no precision required in my fathers methodology. The hammer swings and all pipeworks responds the same. Defeat. Sickening, money sucking defeat. Leaky pipes are now flowing freely, and stopped up drains are shattered in a violent manner across the kitchen floor. The hammer always win. Even if the wielder is the loser the hammer is the winner.
At this point my father would have calmed down a bit. Something about all that hammer swinging is a good workout. He would leave the plumbing with a few choice phrases to let it know, that it didn't have to go down like that. That maybe next time it should be more reasonable, especially when a man owns a framing hammer. Maybe next time the PVC should just do what it claims, as documented in the full colored drawing in figure 1.1 on page 23, in the plumbing book.
He would then go out to buy more supplies. At this point my mother would call in her ten year old boy and she and I would fix the sink before "Thor" and his hammer got back home. I was torn. Part of me wanted praise for my efforts, and part of me wished he would think the sink had fixed itself. No man wants his wife and kid fixing the thing he set asunder.
A good portion of my troubleshooting skills come from these adventures. There is a fair amount of pressure to fix a problem with plenty of time to make a clean getaway. You tend to get very good at kludging together solutions on the fly. A lesson all good troubleshooters need. I'd like to say this only happened once or twice, but that would be a lie. As I said the old man was inexplicably drawn to this weekend plumbing projects. Personally in my own house I avoid plumbing like the plague.
Maybe I should have asked him why he even tried to fix these things. It was a question I never broached. Whether he always believed it would be better than the last time, or just liked the sound a framing hammer makes against plastic...well, I'll never know.
Elvis & Vader
Vader Vs. Piñata
Catholic Vader
Vader Vs. Porta-Potty
Vader Reading Harry Potter
Vader changing florescent tube in lightsaber
Vader Vs. Elmo
Vader Vs. Leaves
San Francisco Vader
Fiddle Vader
Vader Vs. Luke Skywaker
Smoking Vader
Vader does Deathstar Topiary (Almost embarrassed that I knew that..._)
Lord Vader On Vacation
Hello Kitty Vader
Luke's long lost brother... 
Why is it that things always seem so simple once they're done?
I was just reading a friends a Facebook update. "There's no better way to start your work day than by fixing a leaking faucet..." This sent a rush of memories flooding back to me. While I was growing up, finding out that the old man was going to start a plumbing project was akin to hearing that there was going to be a nuclear assault in our bathroom. In fact a nuclear assault might have been a lot less painful and no one would have to suffer through more than one.
The 30's style English Cap. I love this hat. I've worn it out in public many times. Usually to the wifes chagrin. She's a good sport but tends to shy from attention. This hat brings attention...
Speaking of attention! I bought this beauty at the Mall of America while I was on a speech team meet. Us California dwellers were in high fashion that day. I doubt I've worn it since.
It's hard not to feel cool in a Fedora. Seriously. I used to dress up as a gangster every Halloween just for the excuse of wearing this hat.
Ah yes! My fathers Greek sailors cap. Add this to the "never allowed to wear with Patricia" list. She never says it, but you can see the fear in her eyes when I put this on.
Plus it is a wee bit big for me. My old man had a huge head!
Whenever I put this on I feel like I should dawn some slickers and go fishing on a huge boat. Luckily I never follow through on that absurd tendency. 
Another of my fathers caps. It has his first inital and last name in it, so I presume it's Navy issue. He was stationed in the Philippines in the mid 60's. Had some strange stories of bitter beer and poorly translated American songs... 
I suppose this is a pretty normal hat to wear. Your average baseball cap. I bought it at the first Giants game I attended in AT&T Park. 
Trouble is it looks brand new, because I never wear it! And with the Giants going to series I'd feel like a fair weather fan. So I just too embarrassed to go out in it.
So this is my hat of choice. A tech hat from a long dead optics manufacturing company in Boston. Quantum Bridge. Of course that's not what it looks like at first glance. 
I hate coding. Seriously I'm the last person you want staring at code all day. I'm dyslexic and my brain is completely disorganized. I have never been capable of thinking in a straight line. I work in circles rarely completing a full thought, and leaving sentences hanging in most of my conversations. I have never successfully followed all the directions in any manual or instruction booklet, nor do I wish to. Personally I believe that is what makes me a good troubleshooter. I work more on instinct and jump quickly from thought to thought. My boss rarely asks anyone to work with me on projects in an effort to maintain the sanity of my co-workers.
Some things are just scary. Public speaking, bungee jumping and spending a weekend alone with a four year old. Other things are just vile. Things like poopy diapers and pickled herring. Personally I can't tell the difference between the two. 
