Is There Pork in Heaven?

Suggestion by QueenBear: "Why don't you tell us what happens to people when they die? Do their spirits stay with us? Or are they in some other dimension where they don't have anything to do with us? Or do we just turn to dirt? What do you think?"

Thanks for the question! We've all heard stories of ghost sightings and strange occurrences regarding the great beyond. Houses where people swear they are haunted by the spirit of a soul unwilling to ascend into heaven. Seems strange to me a soul not willing to climb the steps to the pearly gates in order to remain on this mortal plane, and then it occurred to me. The truth of it depends on a single question, "Is there any pork in heaven?"

We all know that Jesus said that his Father was busy making houses for us in heaven. Apparently it wasn't only his Earthly dad that was a carpenter, but also his heavenly one. This means that if we're game then we have digs in heaven. Golden mansions in a perfect world. Considering God's other creations it should be pretty boss up there... where ever that may be.

But we also know that Man was created after God's own image and that the Jewish people are Gods chosen people. We also know that Orthodox Jews don't eat cloven toes animals, a category that three of my favorite animals are included in; the ham animal, the sausage animal and the bacon animal. That of course begs that next question... is God down with pork? Maybe that's why he outlawed it among his people.

"This one is no good."

"What do you mean God, this animal is perfect. Eve and I love the pig!"

"No. It's too good, too much flavor and possibilities. It's banned, off the list. Got it?"

"Okay... What are we going to do with all these?"

"You can keep them around in case we need to send an evil spirit into it or something..."

I know that the possibilities of the lack of bacon topside one of my primary concerns and so I figure it's something on the minds of all my readers. Lets delve further into this...

We know that in the book of Acts Peter claimed a vision that told him it was cool to eat pigs. Something that apparently was a bit of a shock to him. In addition it told him it was cool to dine with Gentiles which was even more of a shock. Peter had a lot of crazy ideas (yeah I kind of liked him) including going Van Gogh on some soldiers ear and hanging to death by his feet. (not my first pick method of leaving this world)

So the question is, was Peter right and did God say he was fine with the idea, or was Peter just smelling some amazing pork BBQ at the Centurions house and had an episode? I don't rightly know. (as you can probably guess, theology has never been my strong suit) I would like to believe that even if God didn't like pork, lamb, goat or other unclean animals he would suffer us having them. Sort of like the way vegetarians all look down at us critter crunchers but still will dine with us.

So that's what I think. People go to heaven, and hopefully when we get there we can have pork chops, apple sauce and a big hunk of leavened bread.


Tina said...

Brilliant, as always.

And as the Internet's Resident Vegetarian, let me say that I never look down on people because they eat meat. Once I get to know people, I find all sorts of other legitimate reasons to look down on them.

kludge said...

Did you go full on veggie? Wow!

I did it for 20 days. That was plenty for me.

Queenbear said...

Great post, Kludge! I love your take on things. I sure hope there is pork in heaven. I can't go a week without a sausage and pepperoni pizza.

kludge said...


Thanks for the idea! I really do appreciate it.

Ando said...

Best line:

"You can keep them around in case we need to send an evil spirit into it or something..."

kludge said...

I always wondered why those were there in a Jewish community.