Some Like It Hot

Some like it hot! I’m one of them. If given the choice between hot or not, I’d choose hot every time. There is just something about a spicy fire in my mouth that I find soothing. Who can account for ones tastes other than to say. “I don’t know why but I like it.”

Pictured right is the fourth bottle of buffalo sauce to leave my house in the last two months. I find that is good on lots of things. Some items are fairly obvious, for example if you put it on chicken it will taste like buffalo chicken. I have also found that it is wonderful substitute for mayonnaise, or to add kick to boring take out. I will additionally use it on vegetables, on bread, or as a dipping sauce for fries. It also makes for very lovely cologne. When nothing but that hint if spice will do!

Other than salsa, I would say it’s hard to get something too hot for me to enjoy. There is something about hot salsa that just screams wrong to me. It's like watching Christmas movies in July. I like Christmas movies but they have no business being viewed in the summer. It’s like that with me and hot salsa, I can do it, but don't prefer to. I don't want mindless heat all the time. I would rather get food I enjoy, with a kick. I don’t understand people that eat peppers just to say,

“I eat peppers.”

“Wow! A rare variety of the mindless pepper eater! Honey, get the camera!"

Who cares? I could eat grass if I wanted to but what does that prove? That I can subject my self to misery for no good reason? I don't like grass, so I'll leave it for the cows.

I can only think of one time where I was seriously over-heated. I took Patricia to an Indian food place. It was a sort of take out shop, and I hadn't been in a number of years. It was her first real experience of Indian food. We walk in and after a while I say.

“We want two orders of the lamb curry please.”

Our host asks, with a rather thick accent, “Mild, medium or spicy?”

After a second I ask, “How spicy is spicy?”

At this point he gets a huge grin on his face and belts out “Spicy! Spicy!” claps twice and rings the cooks order-up bell.

I look at my wife with a lost expression and say “how bad could it be?”
Tears were streaming down our faces just driving home with it. It was the hottest food I’ve even had in my whole life, and that is saying something. We ending up washing all the lamb off under the tab water, and it was still unpalatable. I don’t think we went back there for about three years or so.

Not that I let that stop me from seeking heat elsewhere. As I see it, some like it hot and there is nothing that will quench that desire.

Lazy Thursday Blues: Scavenger Hunt!

Last weeks game was a blast and we will play it again. For those who didn't get a chance, I would check out the narrative. It was quite amusing! Thanks to all who played!

For this week I had a new idea, and we'll see if it turns out.

An Internet Scavenger Hunt!

The premise is simple. I name an item and you find it online. You add a comment with the link to your find and a new item to locate. This can be as simple as the 86nd word on a certain page, a picture or video, or the breeding season for the Australian Horn Toad.

Rules:

1. Keep it clean, and no linking to questionable sites.
2. You must already know where the answer/link/picture your sending people out to find is at, before you dispatch.

So I'll get it started as usual. Below are two pictures. Be the first to find one and comment with the URL. Then you can name your own challenge for the game.

Happy Hunting!

Cash Out

I hate cash. I suppose that sounds a bit unusual but I assure you it’s the truth. I’m absolutely against the whole cash thing. I not advocating that we all start wearing matching sliver suits, start munching on soylent green or scanning our foreheads, but I wouldn’t be hurt not having to handle any more cash.

First off is the undisputed fact that cash is money. I think we can all agree on that point. So why would I ever be against money? I'm not. I'm all for money. In fact I've been an avid money collector for a while. It just seems that for some unknown reason my collection is very popular with other money collectors. People that own banks, deliver water, stock food, make electricity and so forth. People in those positions can be very influential. Because of these people my collection hasn’t grown much. I’m not against money, I’m against cash.

Cash is a pain. In order to buy something with cash you have to have enough of it on your person. If you don’t have enough cash you cannot purchase said item. The solution? Stuff your life savings in your trousers! This means that if you lose this cash your out of money. Additionally when people see you have large rolls of cash in your trousers they will attack you with reckless abandon for the dough your carting around.

Cash is highly dirty. I suppose this stands to reason, since everyone who sees it wants to touch it, that it would be quite dirty. Most people I know who see a twenty lying idle in the road, aren’t going to pass it by. Therefore cash has more germs than most public restrooms, but you’ll hold it in you hand, put it in your pocket, or lay it on the table at a nice restaurant.

Change is cumbersome. Invariably when you pay with cash you will get back change. This pile of cheap metal is placed in your pockets. You don’t have enough of it to buy anything with, so it accumulates as the day goes by. When you reach into your pocket for you keys you sow cents all over the pavement. The only upside is being able to walk away. For some reason people don’t consider it littering to throw money on the ground.

Cash is convenient you say? I disagree. I have seen a person spend a lifetime counting out bills and change for their purchase, when I could complete the same transaction in seconds with my plastic. I have one thin piece of clean plastic in my wallet. With that I can purchase anything I need. There is no unruly metal by product to deal with, just a receipt. If for some reason I lose it, I make one phone call and cancel it. Why put your self through all the hassles of cash when there is something better?

I just don’t see any persuasive reason to stay with the paper dinosaurs, or his metal Neanderthal friends. The paper and metal ways of our grandfathers are on their way out. Plastic is comming in. And although your not required to wear a silver suit you might want to try one on. The future is comming and there is little we can do about it. As for me, I say "bring on the plastic!"

What Espresso Tool Are You?

There is a new quiz on Legal Addictive Stimulants.
I've had so much fun with last two quizzes I've decided to do a third. The quiz is a bit different, you will find little middle ground. This test is all about extremes. So enjoy and be sure to let us know:

What Espresso Tool Are You??

Letters to the Void

Dear Starbucks Coffee Company;

I just wanted to mention how much my wife and I enjoy your coffee beverages. My wife and I have been long time patrons of your shops. We are more than happy to contribute our small part to the hulking tower of coffee commerce, that is Starbucks Coffee. The last time we decided to partake of the repast at your local drive thru store, I was surprised to say the least.

I just wanted to say thank you for allowing my wife and I the twenty minutes to sit in the drive thru line, and discuss things. Things like how our heads were pounding from the lack of caffeine, how we were nearly out of gasoline and that the car might idle itself dead. We also got to clear the air on some other ‘issues’ we had been discussing earlier. Additionally it gave my two young daughters, time to scream their lovely heads off about needing bottles, wet diapers, or whatever notions popped into their darling little heads.

Once we reached the order screen, I carefully recited my order to your employee, who seemed rather lonely. In fact she was lonely enough that she decided that she needed to chat about my order, and asked me to repeat it several times. I enjoyed this immensely and felt the practice did me well. I feel that I am now more qualified for repetitive assembly line work, or other mundane and mindless work, like working in food service for instance.

Once we reached the front I was overjoyed to learn of your new quality assurance methods. I was asked to sample my beverage “just to see if it tasted okay” while three employees watched. It is good to know that everyone was concerned for me. I burned my tongue, and then assured them that I wouldn’t be able to tell what it tasted like now, and thanked them for their ingenious solution to the problem.

My wife ordered an iced caramel macchiato, but your helpful employees, were thoughtful enough to serve her a hot drink instead, seeing at it was only seventy-five degrees or so outside. I’m afraid my wife was set on an iced drink, and had to request they changed it back. Still not satisfied with all the help they had already given us, they decided to give her an iced vanilla latte, just to expand her obviously limited pallet. We didn’t notice the change until we were on the road.

Please keep up the good work. I feel good to know that my ten dollars and thirty-seven cents went to into the coffers of such a caring, concerned, and considerate company.

Sincerely,


Peter P. Brown
Santa Rosa Ca.

A Tank Full

I know the best place for gas! It’s really nice stuff. It smells just like the gasoline from other stations , it runs just like the gasoline from other stations, they even have a mini mart and an air and water area, just like the other stations. They only difference is they sell their gasoline for twice as much!

I honestly don’t know anyone who buys the high octane gas. It’s possible I don’t know anyone with a car nice enough to need it. What I do know is that when I passed the gasoline station and saw that I could get a tank of gas for $2.55 a gallon, I cut off a little old man, mowed down a biker, and used the other customer’s car for a stopper.

Gasoline in my state is the highest in the nation. It seems us California’s will vote for anything if you put it on a ballot. We voted in higher refining requirements a few years ago and now we all grumble at having to fork out forty bucks for a fill up. As such I will drive across town to save ten cents a gallon. I know it doesn't make sense, but I don’t want to give my money to the places that over charge for their "technologically enhanced" gas.

“Your car will feel better!”

“But I won’t!”

“Your car will last you longer.”

“Only because it will sitting in my driveway on empty, due to the fact that I cannot afford to put your gas in its tank!”

What do I care how much Techron I have in my gasoline? I have never seen an increase in my mileage whether I have a tank full of Techron, V-Power, or a “Tiger in my Tank!” Just tell your marketing department to stop trying to convince me that a cartoon car knows what’s best for me! I want the cheap stuff Bub!

One thing I have noticed is that the price of gasoline directly affects the speed of pumping it out. Whenever I’ve found myself at a premium station the pump is just like.

“Hey don’t look at the meter! We’ll just be cramming in our gas and you’ll owe us seventy-two fifty in under fifteen seconds! Have a nice day sucker!”

Where as with a cheap pump it’s like having a conversation with a turtle.

“Hey… Look… at… all… the… money… your… saving. One… gallon, one… and… a… half…”

This means that there will always be longer lines at the cheaper stations.

I always feel like a vulture at the gas station, trying to figure out the best way to slide my car up to the pump. People do the strangest things to get gas ahead of other drivers. For instance, taking spots even if they know their tank is on the wrong side. Have you ever see the guy trying to pull the pump over the car? Generally this is a bad idea. Then of course you have the gasper! Even though we’ve all seen these prices for the last two years, this fellow thinks we all care how much he paid.

"What!" Mister loud mouth bellows, "FORTY SEVEN FIFTY!"

We know, we know. We’re all in this together friend.

The Drive Thru

In light of not being able to faithfully get an embarrassing post out every Saturday, I’ve decided to stop trying. I from this point on, I’ll just begin to add them to the week as I feel moved. So if I happen to post on Saturday it might not always be an embarrassing post anymore.

Story Circa 2005

This is a fairly recent encounter. I find that nothing can cause embarrassing posts for me the way commerce can. For some reason a disproportionally large amount of these episodes happen during a purchase.

I was driving thru to get some lunch between calls. I’m not positive what the order was, but it was most likely a salad and a diet coke. This is my standard lunch drive thru fare. When I get up to the front I exchange pleasantries with the clerk. I then pay him, he says thank you and I drive on. This all seemed to go pretty smooth you say.

Wait I say…

As I round the corner I realize… I didn’t get my lunch. I paid, and drove away without my lunch. Groan. The place is packed in like crazy. I didn’t know what to do. I parked in the lot and walked inside. After waiting through a five minute line I get to the front.

“What can I get you?”

“Ummm… I just came thru the drive thru”

“Okay”

“I ordered and paid, but didn’t get my food”

“What?”

“I drove off without my food…I have a receipt”

The counter clerk eyed me with distrust, but checked with the drive thru clerk. The drive thru clerk came over toting my bag.

“First time I’ve ever seen that one buddy!”

“...yea….thanks…”

The clerk, and other patrons got a good laugh and I got my lunch, which for some reason had a bitter aftertaste.

Lazy Thursday Blues: You Decide

Alright, I had a new idea for a game. It has the potential to be quite fun I think. We’ll see how it goes.

You Decide!

The premise is simple enough. A series narration similar to a “Choose Your Own Adventure” books. I'll start off with a brief narration, and a list of choices. Someone responds with a couple of sentences about the path they want, and a couple of choices of their own. We will play till we stop.

This is only limited to your own imagination...don’t worry about length of your path or originality or anything, just comment. The more comments the further the story, however odd, thrilling, funny or ridiculous it becomes. You choose the path to fame, misfortune or the inane.

Here we go:

“It's your first day on the job, but you are not sure what you should be doing. You were hired after a two-minute interview that involved holding your breath, and hopping on one foot. They offered you a position. It seemed odd but since you were broke, you decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. After the interview you were lead into this room on the 22nd floor and asked to sharpen a crate of pencils. As you were halfway through with the sharpening, a rush of water started to pour into the room. The water was filling up to your ankles.

The door is locked. And no one is answering your calls for help."

A) You can climb into the ventilation shaft.

B) You can escape out onto the window ledge.

C) You can finish sharpening the pencils.

Hair Today...

Due to my recent dental work, I have been wary to shave my upper lip. I was going to do it yesterday but since I didn’t want to break down and start blubbering in the restroom I refrained yet again. Because I didn’t want resemble Adolph Hitler, I fashioned myself a goatee. This isn’t abnormal, I’m prone to use the tactic whenever I have a bad sunburn or I’m feeling excessively lazy and don’t want to shave my whole face.

During this interlude someone will undoubtedly mention it. I always feel bad telling people that have just complemented my choice of facial attire, that I have no intention of keeping it. I just have neither the patience nor desire to upkeep facial hair. I normally model the “I lost my razor” look. It’s a socially acceptable look for lumberjacks and the unkempt. I go about 5 days between cleanups, but try to shave by Sunday morning. With a beard I have to shave every stinking day to keep it looking good. It’s either that or go for broke and try my hand at the caveman persona. I’m not willing to go that far yet.

Not that it wont come in to style in time. I have to say that male facial hair seems to be the one masculine vanity that is always changing. When I was in high school it was cool to have sideburns. A look I tried, and only ditched when I started courting my wife. Soon after this, the goatee became king, where it has sat on its throne as the reigning lord of the masculine beard for a number of years. The goatee is phasing out somewhat by newer looks. Some I get and some I do not.

• “The Soul Patch” - The goal is to grow a thick scrap of hair below your lip, in an area the size of your thumbnail. It can’t stop the cold, but it can be used to catch meal droppings in case you get a hankerin’ for grain or two of rice late at night.



• “The Jaw Line” – This is a thin line of hair from ear to ear maintained with a delicate touch and steady hand. This shave was done first my accident and wasn’t discovered till late that night. But the damage had already been done and it caught on somehow.



• “The Chin Strap” – I first saw this at a baseball game. This is just the lower half of a goatee. For those who like to rub the hair of their chinny chin chin, but hate to have their noses tickled.

I’m not sure what the next big look will be, but anyone’s guess is as good as mine. I’m personally betting that the asymmetrical look will be up and coming. You know, a quarter sized patch of hair on the left cheek, and half a mustache on the right, with maybe a sideburn for balance. Only time will tell.

Talk Like a Pirate Day

Ahoy Me Matey's! Today is September 19th which is "International Talk Like a Pirate Day." As you can see Kludge Spot is flying the Jolly Roger! So get your Pirate name, and start spreading some fun, "You Scurvy Sea Dog's!"

Pirate Name Generators

Name Generator
Name Quiz --very busy today

Talk like a Pirate

Pirate Translator 1
Pirate Translator 2

Tell Bad Pirate Jokes

1. How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?
A buck-an-ear!

2. What is a pirate's favorite dessert?
Chips A-Hoy!

3. What is a pirate's favorite class
The ARRRithmitic!

4. How did the pirate know he found land?
He was shore of it!

5. How do pirates know when they are about to be attacked?
They watch Sea-span!

6. What is the one thing a pirate is afraid of?
ARRRmageddon!

7. What do you call a pirate that skips class?
Captain Hooky!

8. What's a pirate's favorite salad dressing?
Oil and vinegARRRR.

9.Why did the pirate go on vacation?
He needed some AARRRGGH and AARRRGGH

Watch Dumb Pirate Movies