The 36" Monitor

So.... I might have acted a little rash. Maybe my geekiness got the better of me. Maybe my lack of sleep affected me. My wife believes I've lost my mind. Who knows she might be right, but I would never admit it to her.

Here's how it went down. I was surfing Craigslist when a posting for a free 36" monitor popped up. I calmly took a deep breath and then mashed out a very well thought out e-mail.

"WHOA BABY!!! I WANT IT!! I can come and get it tonight!!!!"

The seller responded, "Okay. Here's my address. That's a 3 hour round trip for you."

"Leaving NOW!" Clearly something had taken hold of my better judgment and shook the living daylights out of me.

After my hour and twenty minute drive I arrived. As soon as I saw the beast, I knew I had made a gigantic mistake. What to do? My brain and I discussed it.

"Take it, before he says no!!"
"It's absurd. I don't have space for this..."
"36" inches! DUDE TAKE IT! Can you imagine playing video games on this?"
"Can you imagine my legs breaking after the desktop gives way?"
"You have a fine desk and it will have no trouble supporting this trifle of a weight."
"This trifle is almost 225lbs!"
"I believe it is worth the risk!"

So against my better judgment I began down the path to herniated disks and hoisted it into my pickup. I couldn't even see out the rear view mirror.

Hooked up the laptop and made sure it worked!


Then the wife and I muscled it on to my desk and waited for sounds of breaking wood. After a few hours, we figured it was okay and decided to test it out. I couldn't help but smile. This was just too cool! Made my keyboard look like a PDA attachment!

Downside? Well, it's not so great for reading e-mail as the highest resolution is 800x600, but for gaming...this is amazing! The wife fired up some of her games and we played for a while. Hidden puzzle games are a joke on a 36" screen.

"We're looking for angels on the head of a p-"
"Got it. Next?"


Then I brought out the serious guns. Elder Scrolls IV.


After a 6 hour gaming coma I pronounced it good. When characters heads can be life size you know you're at total immersion. Oh and attacking monster literally had me jumping out of my chair!

Withdrawals

I've got it all, dry mouth, shaky hands, bloodshot eyes and intense stomach pains. I recently have been searching out my pleasure. Seeking it at stores and living vicariously through the stories of others. Wondering when and how my next fix will come and not knowing if I'll be able to contain myself. I know I'm gaming addict, but I thought I could break it on my own.

I've gone weeks without any video games. This is mostly owning to the fact the garage has sucked up so many hours of my time recently. I don't resent the garage. I enjoy woodworking. I like building things and making trinkets to sell to glitter goddesses that are my primary customers. I love money. Where did that come from? Well it's the truth regardless if its a tacky thing to say or not.

When I first got into woodworking it was with the desire to buy more stuff for my computer. I needed a new video card, more RAM and bigger hard drive and sweet new flat screen monitor. Since I've been selling stuff, I've had an influx of mad money. Now all I need for my machine is a new video card, more RAM and bigger hard drive and sweet new flat screen monitor. So...

Turns out I've been neglecting my geek side pretty severely. All that is about to change. My wife made the fatal mistake on Saturday. We were taking turns playing with the girls, in a 45 minute tag team style. It works out pretty well. The girls have more fun because you can just play for 45 minutes knowing your about to get 45 off.

Patricia was playing one of her silly casual games during her 45 minutes. Farm Crazy, Farming Fun or Frenzied Farmer. I have no clue, but she was enjoying herself. I'm not a causal gamer, but considering the time I wouldn't have much fun playing a RPG or FPS for quick 45 stints. She suggested I try "Mortimer Beckett and the Time Paradox". She said I might like it and that it was quite difficult. In fact she'd been stuck on it for a couple of months.


When you're an addict a little taste of your drug can change everything. Mortimer was my taste. 3 hours and 15 minutes. Mortimer didn't stand a chance. Now I want more. Casual gaming? Sure, but that's just an appetizer. It cannot be a real substitute for true gaming. I found myself on Steam later that day, searching for the soup,salad, main and dessert courses. What's a guy to do?

I'm back. Hello my new pasty bloodshot radiation permeated friend. Garage? What's that for?

Chasing Credits

I'm a gamer. I game. That is to say I engage in an expensive form of immersible fantasy for one goal. Credits. I crave a good game, enjoyable play and engaging storyline, but above all, I'm in to win. I suppose it's just my nature. I want to see it through to the end.

I have, for no other reason than completing it, spent the last 200+ hours of my gaming time on a game called Morrowind. I traipsed about the countryside, helping those in perils, righting wrongs, slaying evil and insulting uptight policemen. And most folks, besides a few policemen, thought that this imaginary world was a better place because of my interest in it. Why did I do all of this, with what other people might see as an unreal horde of perfectly good free time? Because I enjoy being belligerent to imaginary cops!? Possibly...

But there was more to it than that. I wanted the credits.

See... like a great movie, when a game is completed they congratulate you. A sort of "thanks for sticking it out" sort of thing. It allows you to feel closure. In the game, my character started out as a nobody, a nothing wuss who ran away from scary insects (not unlike myself in many respects). By the end of the game, I rid this fictional world of a crazed demon god leaching his powers from a Dwarven machine attached to a disembodied heart. It was, well, pretty impressive work if I do say so myself. I mean, am I being overly pompous to expect a little praise for that?

Well not in Morrowind. You get a 45 second ataboy, and told, "Thanks for stopping by. But honestly we got other stuff for you to look at. Don't touch the cheeseball though, it's for the real guests."

I have played dozens of games and have yet to complete one that didn't roll credits. It's like...well...like it's not over. Could you imagine a movie ending, the house lights coming up and and being like, "Well... I guess that's it." You would always wonder, was there more film that they forgot to roll? Now imagine if your movie was 200 hours long. That sort of how I'm feeling... A good game, but honestly. Did I really finish it? Should I keep wandering around killing monsters, even though there are no quests left to complete? I feel sort of empty.

I was explaining this to another guy at work, a fellow gamer (who actually used to code games for Lucas Arts) and when I told him after my epic journey there were no credits he was flabbergasted. I tell you this as an excuse to type out the word 'flabbergasted' twice in one blog post and add unnecessary quotation marks. . <--- This second period is a typo that I'm leaving alone so I can type about it. (This is quickly becoming one of my favorite posts)

Regardless... Anyone know where I can get 200 hours of a wasted year back? See, there's this new game I'm thinking about installing...

20 Signs You're An RPG Addict

Countless hours of your life have been absorbed by conversations with NPC's

You named your favorite pen "Foe Slayer"

When you put on your shoes each morning you upgrade your AC by 2.

During introductions you give your class. "Hello, I'm Peter, level 15 monk."

Some days, you wish you'd brought a broadsword.

When people ask you about your background you say, "I was raised by wolves. +2 DX, +1 CN, -3 IN."

People have learned to avoid such conversations with you.

You roll twenties. Enough said.

You grade all work assignments based on XP gains.

You tell annoying co-workers that, if they don't leave your office, you'll to go into unstoppable Barbarian Rage.

You look forward to side quests.

You think of Mt Dew as mana potion.

You can't explain any of this to your non gaming friends.

They probably wouldn't listen anyway.

You believe your baseball hat is a +3 to CH.

You pwn n00bs.

You find yourself casting spells on jaywalkers and tailgater's.

You refer to all of your acquaintances by their alignment. "He's chaotic neutral, but we still get along."

There's always time for "one more quest".

If you are addicted, you hope they never find a cure!

Terms for N00bs:
Alignment - Good, Neutral, Evil and so forth.
AC- Armor Class
DX- Dexterity
CH- Charisma
CN- Constitution
IN- Intelligence
N00b- Newbies, babies, whiners or losers.
NPC- Non-Playing Character
Pwn- To beat, win, or absolutely destroy
XP- Experience