Lie to me. Please

I've been finding myself manning the helpdesk phones more frequently in recent days. Not that it's any big deal, I'm mostly just backup. I get one or two calls an hour.

My last call was a bit odd. Users wonder why we hate them. Here's why

"I need you to install the latest version of Flash on my computer"
"Why?"
"It's free software."
"I know, but why do you need it?"
"I want it to get to websites"
"Are you getting errors?"
"Yes!"
"I'll remote in so you can show me..."
"Oh... Uhm..."
"I'll right I'm in."
"I can't think of any sites right now, but it's pretty much all of them."
"*sigh*"
"Like watching movies..."

Seriously? If you're so stupid that you tell the network administrator that you're calling him to took at your machine so you can use the company bandwidth to watch movies... What do you think is coming next?

"Wow look what I found..."
"What? What's wrong?"
"I think your computer is loaded with spyware. Go ahead and log off. I'll clean it up."
"How long?"
What time do you leave for the day?"
"6:30..."
"That should be just about enough."

A lesson to all you users. Lie to us. We sometimes might see through it but it gives us the option to ignore it. Today I had no such option.

On Helpdesk

Today I am on help desk. It is a little weird. I have not been on front line phone support for many many years.

For the last 5 years I've been the Senior Network Engineer
6 years ago I was Network Engineer
8 years ago I was Junior Engineer
10 years ago I was a helpdesk tech for an ISP

So when I got the e-mail that most of the helpdesk would be out this week, I cried. But just a little, so I could pass it off as allergies in case anyone should happen upon me in my office cave. I popped a Benadryl, filled up my Cisco coffee mug and dawned my helpdesk headset. It's sure to get interesting as I've decided to adopt a hard line with the callers today.



"Helpdesk, this is Peter"
"Hello?"
"This is Peter"
"Is Chris there?"
"He's on vacation all week"
"Well...Is Christine there?"
"Nope. She's out too."
"How about Craig?"
"He has Mondays off."
"oh..."
"Can I help you?"
"Maybe I'll call back later."
"Sounds good."

What she doesn't realize is when she calls back, it will still be me. Actually the network team is manning helpdesk this week. Me, my manager and another network tech. Three network people responsible for your printer queues and application errors. For the record, network guys don't do spreadsheets.

"Helpdesk, this is Peter"
"I have a problem with Excel."
"Call back and hope you get my manager, otherwise Google is your friend."
"What?"
"Sorry, for the substandard support but it's time you learned to use your applications help index anyway."
*click*

Reset passwords? Yea... that gets old pretty fast.

"Helpdesk, this is Peter"
"I need a password reset"
"No problem. I reset your password to 'cthulhu.'"
"excuse me?"

I have had some normal calls. Spyware, broken mouse, errors in M$ Office. I actually had one person call me because she couldn't open a picture file.

"Helpdesk, this is Peter"
"I can't open a jpg."
"Seriously, we're very busy here."
"It's work related!"
"Okay...Umm, is that you holding a .22?"
"No. It's a BB gun."
*click*

So that pretty much sums up the rest of my week. Oh crap. I hear the phone ringing...

"Helpdesk, this is Peter..."

Users

"No problem sir, it could happen to anyone. Have a nice day." *click* "Idiot!"