Adipose

The best sci-fi alien ever. So I eat whatever I want and I help populate a cute and totally harmless species? I'm in...

Secret Diary of Luke Skywalker Pt.2

Dear Diary:
That crazy snow monster came out of nowhere. He completely blindsided me. What's the freaking point of having Jedi reflexes if a giant tusked, snarling snow monster can catch me unaware. I should have been able to smell him at least two hundred yards away. I'm wondering if I'm ever going to become a Jedi. It's really hard to write hanging upside down...

Dear Diary:
I'm freezing! Looking back, I think it would have been smarter to kill the snow monster and I stay in his warm cave. Hello! I'm the one with the glowing kill stick! Stupid Luke, really stupid. I saw the old hermit in my hallucinations again. He didn't seem to care I was dying. I think my brain is trying to kill me. It's really hard to write with Tauntaun guts all over me...

Dear Diary:
The Hot chick kissed me. I think we've really got something.

Dear Diary:
I can't believe I got stuck with Dax as my navigator. Hello! Aren't I the hero of the republic? The destroyer of the the Death Star? This guy wouldn't know a tow cable control if it got in bed with him!! Oh, right. I should say, if it had gotten in bed with him. Luckily after I crashed, right before the walker smashed him and the ship to bits, I got my lucky grappler out of harms way.

Dear Diary:
So my hallucinations sent me to Dagobah. A slimy rotten snake pit. My ship is stuck in the swamp, R2 is covering muck and a stupid old frog just stole my lamp and licked my last protein stick. Yea. Thanks Ben, I didn't know how much you hated me...

Dear Diary:
So, the withered old frog man I insulted turns out to be the Jedi master I was suppose to find. He was more than a little put out with me. What are the chances....

Dear Diary:
"There is no why." What the hell is that suppose to mean? Talking backwards makes you wise? Stupid frog. "Never his mind on where he was, what he was doing.." Whatever. Just what I need more of in my life, an eight hundred year old pontificating reptile backpack! I found a viper in my bed roll last night. Seriously creepy. Thanks again Ben!

Dear Diary:
The Righteous Jedi Frog refused to teach me Darth Vaders choke trick. Some virtuous dribble about the path to the Dark Side or something. Like floating rocks are going to be a big help to me in the middle of a battle. It's hard to write when you're pouting.

Dear Diary:
Ben and Yoda say not to leave Dagobah and save my friends. They claimed to have over eight hundred years of experience in the ways Force and the fact that I've only been at this for a couple of weeks or so. I bet he's regretting he didn't teach me that choke trick now...

Dear Diary:
So... Ben and Yoda might have known what they were talking about. Turns out I wasn't much help. Han is table top on his way to Tatoonie, C3PO hasn't shut up about the fact that he's in pieces and Dog boy tried to strangle Lano. Good Times. Oh right. And diary, funny thing happened while I was trying to kill Vader. Turns out he's my long lost father. Seriously. It was a less than happy reunion. He cut off my hand and then asked me to join him. "Oh yeah, well I wasn't till you mangled my appendage, but now I'm totally convinced!!" What a day. At least I've got Leia, and we seem to have a real good thing going.

Secret Diary of Luke Skywalker Pt.1

Dear Diary:
Uncle Owen is a Correllian piss ant! Seriously, this is the last straw! If he pulls that "one more season" crap on me again I'm going to flip out. Big help Anut Beru is... Biggs and the other guys all have power converters for their landspeeders. I'm sick and tired of moisture vaporators. Oh diary...I wish Uncle Owen would just drop over dead.

Dear Diary:
So I'm stuck talking to the stupid protocol droid all day. Like I care how many stinking Jawas can fit inside a sandcrawler. I'm this close to blasting his head off "I'm C3PO and I've been aboard an rebel cruiser for the past 20 years but I can't tell you one thing interesting about about it! But If you want to know the statistical improbability of finding a driod in the desert I can spit that out in a second!!" If I ever find out what slug rat build this wreck I'd give him what for...maybe with the business end of my rifle.

Dear Diary:
We just met a broken down old hermit. R2 showed him a picture of a hot chick, he gave me a light up stick and tried to convert me to his crazy religion. I like him.

Dear Diary:
Remember when I said Uncle Owen was a Correllian piss ant? Turns out the StormTroppers thought so too. I put on a good show for the hermit man, and now we're on on our way to Anchorhead. Maybe I'll get to use my light stick...

Dear Diary:
In only a hour or two, I've completely changed my outlook on the world. I'm now a crazed zealot in a new religious order. It's amazing how persuasive an old man can be. I hope he didn't use that mind trick on me. Naw...

Dear Diary:
We met a smug talking smuggler and walking dog man. I'm already acting rude and superior to him about my newfound faith. Ben seems pleased by my progress. I hope we don't have to swear celibacy or any crazy thing like that...

Dear Diary:
I don't have a lot of time and much has happened. Long story short, Han, Dog boy and I found the hot chick. Ben was killed, and Robot man got his light stick. I was so mad I started screaming and almost blew our get away. Luckily I started to hallucinate and we escaped. Too bad about the Hermit man, I really wanted his light stick...

Dear Diary:
I feel bad for Dog boy, everyone just pretends to understand him. I'd want to rip peoples arms out if they all ignored me too. One thing about Wookies I have learned, you never want to use the restroom right after them. I still smell horrible. Han can't stop laughing and suggested I incinerate my clothes... I'm hoping the Stormtroopers come after him next.

Dear Diary:
I'm feeling a little guilty for lying to Wedge. I have no idea what a womp rat is and just said it to get attention. Hopefully he doesn't go up in a flaming ball of fire like Uncle Owen. I might just start running out of friends.

Dear Diary:
We won. Thanks to my hallucinations I made a lucky shot that blew up the sphere ship. I saved the day only after most of my comrades died horrific meaningless deaths. You've never heard so much screaming. Thankfully there seems to be a lot more people than ships here on the rebel base and no one seems too upset about the casualties. All in all a pretty good couple of days. I think I'm going to like this new life...

TRON Legacy Prayer

I offer only what I can. A simple prayer for the upcoming TRON Legacy....



Oh please, please, please. Don't suck.

Vader Days

The best Sci-Fi villain of the 80's, who suffered a Lucas induced personality adjustment in recent year, is still my favorite childhood foe. Darth Vader was awesome. A cyborg man with ability to kill a person with his mind and rip HVAC equipment off the walls of Cloud city. He is still a serious bad dude for those of us who recall his menacing form lurking though much of our childhood. In that light I sough out the strangest Vader images I could.

Here is Lord Vader, now appearing for your amusement and general ridicule. Elvis & Vader

Vader Vs. Piñata

Catholic Vader

Vader Vs. Porta-Potty

Vader Reading Harry Potter

Vader changing florescent tube in lightsaber

Vader Vs. Elmo

Vader Vs. Leaves

San Francisco Vader

Fiddle Vader

Vader Vs. Luke Skywaker

Smoking Vader

Vader does Deathstar Topiary (Almost embarrassed that I knew that..._)

Lord Vader On Vacation

Hello Kitty Vader

Luke's long lost brother...

Rediscovering Atlantis

"Peter are you into Science Fiction?"
"Is a frogs butt water tight?"
"Uh.. I think so. Yes?"
"You better believe it!"
"What's your favorite science fiction show?"
"Five years ago I would have said Star Trek."
"Now?"
"StarGate. Without question."
"What, no more disgusting metaphors?"

Star Trek was a revolutionary show. It pushed the limits of science fiction and portrayed humanity at it's best. Star Trek is an amazing franchise, but it's still not as good as the StarGate universe.

StarGate is now. Right now, not 200 years in or future. In Star Trek folks have body suits, ray guns and transporters. In StarGate, the Airforce is in charge. Airman have real projectile weapons, cotton pants and camouflage hats. We discovered a technology made by someone else and go out looking for cool stuff. In the process we make enemies, friends and see lots of weird things. For me, it's such a great idea! We don't have to wait for a third world war or humanoid robots, all we need are guns, camo and some Egyptian artefacts!

The wife and I watched Atlantis on a whim. We liked it so much, we watched the previous 10 seasons of SG1. Now we are re-watching Atlantis with all the back story of SG1 under our belts. It makes a lot more sense this time through.

I love the geeky, neurotic lead scientist. He's brash, egotistical and suffers more conditions than a prenuptial agreement. I'm also fond of lead Airman. A cynical, driven, football loving guy willing to make all the hard choices. As far as the wife is consiered she's just in it for the lowbrow, fist wielding, treadlock sporting antics of the Pegaus galaxys own loveable Neanderthal. Whatever gets her to watch sci-fi is good with me.

So, my point? Atlantis has the grittiness of Firefly the humor of SG1 and the five years of solid episodic television. Is it perfect? What show is, but in my opinion, it's well worth your time. It certainly trumps the newest StarGate series. How about this? While waiting for the next great science fiction show to start up, do yourself a favor and check out Atlantis. Another little known gem of the sci-fi world.

Geek Encounters

Yesterday my wife and I found ourselves with a night off, thanks to my mother volunteering to babysit. We arrived downtown a bit early for our movie and decided to pop into the local book store to burn up some time. Patricia headed off into one section by I lingered behind in the sci-fi aisle. All this recent talk about science fiction, sort of got me thinking that I might like to try something new.

I haven't read a sci-fi book in a number of years, I'd moved on to other genres but I was looking over all the books I had read some years back, and wondered if there was anything else worth reading in this section. The thing about sci-fi is this, when you find a good one you invariably had to sort through a pile of garage first. Believe me, I've read enough bad sci-fi books to top off the local landfill. How many times can the world end and humanity be thrown into utter oblivion only to be saved by some lone rouge with a sixth sense and a bumbling sidekick?

The other issue is describing the unknown. Some authors can do it well where others just fail. I once read a Greg Bear novel called Eon where humanity had migrated to an asteroid that they had hollowed out a millennium ago and then, once inside, they opened a portal to parallel universes. With me so far? As they evolved they learned how to preserve their souls, alter their appearances and many other bizarrities. When by some twist of fate this asteroid winds up in our universe, orbiting Earth. This is a hard concept to covey in print. Many a tedious book quickly found itself in the trash before the end of the first few chapters.

So while I was standing in the aisle under the sheer crushing weight of new sci-fi titles stacked neatly on the shelf I saw something. A gentleman, rearranging books in correct chronological order. A fellow geek! I struck up a conversation, and after a bit we were talking about Star Trek. I guess I pegged him right. Most geeks I've met are awkward until you hit on a subject they are familiar with. Networking for me, sci-fi for my new acquaintance. The man knew his stuff.

We had a conversation about The City on the Edge of Forever and I knew we had similar tastes. To be honest, he talked and I nodded. I think I might have said, "Everyone loves time travel stories." To which he expanded on what he thought was a much more engaging story line. (I certainly lost some points there)

Either way I asked him about some sci-fi titles, authors we liked and he ended up recommending a book, which I bought. We will see, if I got lead astray or not. Either way, I had forgotten the draw that is the sci-fi section... and feel as though I have returned home.

The Return of Sci-Fi

It's funny, but I wasn't sure I could ever live in a world where Star Trek was off the air. I have come to the realization, that it's okay.

Star Trek was my sole definition of Sci-Fi through most of my teenage years. I had yet to discover the joys of reading books by Asimov, Bear, Bradbury and the occasional Crichton. By the way, if you have never experienced Asimov's Foundation series, stop everything you are doing this instant and get it. Sometimes a thing is important enough that all else can be put on hold. Okay... where was I? Right.

For me "Science Fiction" was Star Trek. I loved the troubles they would encounter, the logical troubleshooting and problem solving, and all the great stuff. I mean who doesn't want a phaser, holodeck or realistic android best friend? Am I right!? Of course I am. There was something rewarding knowing that we, as humans, still had an inquisitive nature, ready to scour the galaxy. That technology would be our ally and not some millstone round our necks.

When Star Trek Voyager went off the air, and "Enterprise" came on, I stopped watching. In my opinion, it was garbage, and certainly not Star Trek. Apparently I wasn't alone. Since the series did what not even the tedious DS9 could do and got canceled. At that point I figured, Sci-Fi was dead. I would instead have to turn to reality re-decorators or chef cook off shows. I was sunk.

Well Sci-Fi came back with a vengance, and we didn't even need Star Trek. Stargate, The 4400, Firefly, Heroes, Lost, Eureka and Battlestar Galactica the the ones that first come to mind. Sure some of these died a most surprising and unnecessary death. Great shows like Firefly. At least we had them though, even for a short time. They influenced us and reminded us of two truths. 1.) Every show that glimpses the future and encourages us to look at the wold through a different lens is worth our time, even if we disagree. 2.) Geeks watch TV. It's true, the more Sci-Fi in prime time cements the truth that there are more geeks watching TV than ever before. Awesome!

So here we are, Heroes and Lost control the airwaves and have brought millions of viewers to our side. New shows will be modeling themselves off this new episodic style of Sci-Fi and no one had to dawn a pair of Vulcan ears. (unless they wanted to) What more could you ask for? A Star Trek series with a speck of original thought? Might not happen for a while. Besides, I think that's grounds for a different post.