5 Haiku's: Buffalo Wing Regret

Wings of buffalo
Why do you torture me so?
I love to hate you

Wings of buffalo
When will you ever let me go?
My belly begs for death

Wings of buffalo
Oh spices you burn my tongue
Then tush as you go

Wings of buffalo
My toilet is quite displeased
I need more Clorox

Wings of buffalo
I'm sure I'll never have again
Until the next time

-Peter Brown 2012

Holding Back The Tide

Why do we sometimes wait to go pee,
Instead of setting our caged liquids free?

Why do we sit for a couple beats later,
Ignoring our urges to which we should cater?

Why do we squirm in our seats in denial,
Of the river inside that should flow like the Nile?

Why do we walk by a restroom and think,
I can hold back the dam right up to the brink?

Why do we wait till our bladders are bursting,
To finish a task for which our organs are thirsting?

Why can't we just say, "Excuse me all please,
I have a strong pressure I'm needing to ease?"

Once in the restroom your body's past ready,
You dance a small jig to hold yourself steady

Then we flee to toilet to spill off your excess,
And finally be rid of those toxic possess

Then once you have purged you feel so elated,
And wonder inside, "Why should I have waited?"

"I'll not do that again." we resolve with our pride,
Yet next you're squirming, still holding back the tide.

Peter P. Brown 2011

Oh Progress Bar

Progress bar, oh progress bar
How you taunt at me

I wait and watch with faith eternal
I pray on bended knee

I see you jump from ten to twenty
Just to sit at thirty-three

I sit and stare as nothing happens
As if my gaze you see

Soon as I start to push the button
Once more alive you'll be

On we go, up through the count
Now eighty-five I see

And as we reach for ninety-nine
I pulse with energy

The screen goes black then a beep
The cursor doth decree

That you've crapped out for the fourteen time
And I must punish thee...

Peter Brown 2011

Talking To My TV

If one should visit in my house
They might surely hear me grouse

For if the televisions on
To it I am naturally drawn

And for some reason I relay
Whatever thought I wish to say

Once the show has then begun
Whether new or just re-run

Something takes a hold of me
And because of what I see

I call out to give advice
Or tell them that's overpriced

Or warm them of a lurking soul
Behind them on the lonely stroll

Or tell them the facts are wrong
As they orate to the throng

Even wishing I was mellow
I cannot help to stop the bellow

I do not want for a reply
It's just the nature of this guy

Who cannot seem to help,
Talking to his TV

Peter P. Brown 2011

NyQuil Is My Friend

NyQuil is a friend of mine,
He helps me drift to sleep
He doesn't sing a lullaby,
Or waste time counting sheep

No, NyQuil isn't subtle.
He isn't shy or meek.
He levels me with medicine,
That make my eyelids weak

I do not like the taste of it
It's flavor kin to vile
But if the sludge will help me sleep
Then I'll slurp it with a smile.

While sitting in the kitchen
Upon my counter stool
I swig a shot of nastiness
And soon begin to drool

I stagger towards the bedroom
And reach out for the door
I crash down on the ground
And soon begin to snore

I awake three hours late for work
But happy as I've ever been
For I can use my nose today
and tonight, you can bet that I'll be swigging at my friend again.

-Peter Brown 2010

Sneezing My Brains Out

Sneezing My Brains Out

I'm sneezing my brains out
All over my screen
I'm turning my pixels
To yellow and green

I'm sneezing my brains out
And I've run out of tissue
With a near brimming trash can
My co-workers take issue

"We're going to get sick
While you sit there and sneeze!"
Well it isn't a cold
It's those beautiful trees

The purples and crimsons
And violets of spring time
They're killing me off
Slashed< down in my prime

Sneezing My Brains Out
My nose is a beacon
So raw and so red
Like old drunk Topekan

I'm sneezing my brains out
There's nothing to do.
At least if I die
I'll have fun while I do.

-Peter Brown 2010

An Empty Hat Hook

While trudging through a new book store
I saw a hat hook. Nothing more
Apparently used just for show
On a pillar by the fiction row.

I looked it over once, then twice
Of antiqued brass it once was nice
But why here this poor neglected bit
For I could see no use of it

Who hangs a hat near Bear or Clarke?
Why should here it make its mark?
I swear I found no use or function
For a hat hook at this junction

"So, what's your point?" I asked of it
"I'm here for hats, you stupid git"
I smiled and nodded most politely
And then I gripped it rather tightly

I ripped the hook right off its screws
Then searched the store for the refuse
I dumped it loudly in the bin
The resulting crash, an awful din

For no one feels bad for a hat hook with an attitude!

Peter P. Brown 2009

The End Of Days

The end of the day is the best part
Is it odd that we feel that way?
While much of it gone from the daybreak
There's still truth in what I do say

Gone to meetings with managers droning
Their deadlines and pie charts galore
While no one is listening or caring
All they hear is "We want some more!"

Gone to users who stand in my door frame
With issues that "Must be solved fast!"
Foreheads wrinkled without comprehension
When I tell them, "On my list, you're last."

Gone to phone calls from vendors and salesmen
Pitching their products with glee
Though I tell I'm not in the market
It seems no one will listen to me

So when over my days just beginning
because that's when my freedom comes through
While the evening is shorter and fleeting
It's the best from my humble point of view

Peter P. Brown 2009

The Kamikaze Fly

Look to the sky
He comes! He's here!
The kamikaze fly

Right in your face
Retreat! Beware!
Invading your space

Odds against him
You're Big! He's Small!
Risking life and limb

Dive bombing nut
At full throttle!
Right into my gut

Spinning and thrashing
Swiping! Chasing!
With arms a lashing

Yet on he dives
Retreat! Retreat!
If only to survive

Peter Brown 2008

Ode To A Nose Picker

Beside me sitting in your car
Both stopped at the light we are
But unlike me you seem distracted
As your brains you have extracted

How far up there can you go?
While watching this most vulgar show.
You keeping digging deeper still
Until you get your sticky fill

You seem not to notice us
As we gag and make a fuss
With your finger in your nose
Up to your knuckle now it goes

Now with your filthy quest complete
You turn to me and our eyes meet
Does my face betray the truth
That I just watched you finger sleuth?

You speed by me as on you drive
To forget your deep nose dive
I laugh and think with impish zeal
Will your hands stick to the wheel?

This ode to a nose picker
Oh nasty digging slicker
If more tales you would eschew
I would suggest using tissue

-Peter P. Brown 2008

It's Five days 'till Christmas

It's five days 'till Christmas
The dates almost here
With presents and carols
celebration and cheer

I feel like I've missed it
As if already gone by
I'm not feeling festive
I can't tell you why

I saw a strange woman
In line at this place
With bright Christmas sweater
and a frown on her face

If a bedazzled sweater
with real bells and a wreath
can't make you feel merry
Then you're mush underneath

There's just so much to do
With shopping and working
An election year coming
Who knew Christmas was lurking

So it's five days away
The window is prime
I mean look what Scrooge did
In a much smaller time

It's just five days aways
When we all remember
The birth of our Saviour
At the end of December

With thanks unto God
We should be rejoicing
For his gift of a Son
We should be voicing

So say "Merry Christmas"
And then smile as you do
It's just five days away
Let Christs joy shine through you

-Peter P. Brown 2007

Poor Pitiful Puce

Suggestion by Ando

Oh what is the use
of the color named puce?
So often called mauve
But never chartreuse

Overlooked and ignored
Hardly every adored
It sits and it waits
All pointless and bored

Not magenta, not pink
Nor rose I would think
But something between
Not a shade, but a fink

Then a webmaster sage
While programing a page
He types 'CC8899'
To make puce all the rage

"I'm useful, I'm wanted!"
"I don't have to feel haunted!"
"For somebody needs me."
The happy puce flaunted

"What?!" The webmaster spits
"Is my screen having fits?"
"This color is vile, and not what I want"
And so 'delete', he then hits.

-Peter Brown 2007

Coffee For Brains

Coffee for brains, as I turn on my truck
It's completely is charge, and with any luck
It'll get me to work while I take in the view
Believe me or not, I tell you it's true

Coffee for brains, my skull is a mess
Void of all thought, no worry or stress
As I open the door to start a fresh day
I pass folks in the hall, and have nothing to say

Coffee for brains, as I sit in my chair
I pour out my joe and I smell at the air
The aroma of thought trickles in through my head
I feel like a sleeper raised up from the dead

Coffee for brains, as wait for the cooling
I wipe at my mouth, as it's corners are drooling
It wants to be whole, wants to get at this cup
For there is my intellect which soon will wake up

Coffee for brains, as the first mug I drink
I now see the world and my brain starts to think
As I rely upon logic I must gleam from this act
I have coffee for brains, that's just simple fact

-Peter Brown 2007

Friendly Sharpies

I love the smell of Sharpies early in the day
They sooth my mind and in restful sleep I stay
With their scent intoxicating both inviting and elating
In me they make a blissful carefree way

They do for free what others pay for
I doubt a substance could do more for
My utter lack of concentration, nodding head and relaxation
I sing and tap my foot upon the floor

Now I sway slightly when I stand
As if on a pile of shifting sand
As I'm thinking out some riddle I find I often fiddle
With the open, friendly Sharpie in my hand

It always helps me with my task
And in the end it's clear at last
I do not care to hurry, I will not stress and worry
As long as to my friendly Sharpie I hold fast.

-Peter Brown 2007

Post Recipe

Dream it up and think it out
Write it down and flush your doubt
Blog, Blog, Blog.

Adding here, a dash of spice
Just until the post looks nice
Blog, Blog, Blog.

Click it out, then read it through
Making then a change or two
Blog, Blog, Blog.

Watch your hits and see them grow
Makes you glad and proud to know
Blog, Blog, Blog.

See em come and see em go
Hits from here and there they flow
Blog, Blog, Blog.

Soon they die, and hits grow few
And so you start with post anew
Blog, Blog, Blog.

There's my blog post recipe
Season to taste, it's fun. You'll see
Blog, Blog, Blog.

-Peter Brown 2007

Oh Spammer

Oh Spammer, dear Spammer
You’re driving me mad
With pill pushing, stock tips
You suppose I’ll be had
And buy up your goodies
From some cool website ad

I just want to tell you
I don’t need your meds
Not Soma nor Xanax,
Nor pills for my head.
I don’t trust your notes
But my doctor instead

Now there is the recent
Sending out a stock fake
All emails to Bobby
Come to me by mistake?
I’ll lose all my bread
But you’ll thrive in my wake

An since we’re just chatting
I think you should know
I just won the lottery
Four times! Is it so?
Please tell Sir Steven Smith
I have doubts of his dough

Oh Spammer just stop
You’re not getting my clicks
I’ve been blocking you out
‘Cause my software predicts
Just what you’ll try next
It is learning your tricks

And here’s just a line
To who's buying your stuff
You're filling my inbox
And enough is enough
If I ever meet you
I’ll be treating you rough

-Peter Brown 2007

The Jugglers Daughter

The Jugglers Daughter
Is a political science major
She doesn’t understand him
He tries to make her see

This is the life I’ve chosen
It’s all I am, all I know
Juggling is more than reflex
It gives me understanding

Maria...

You and I are quite alike
We both are expert jugglers
I juggle bean packed balls
You juggle peoples lives

Maria. You see,

Life is like a juggling act
The balls, they rise and fall
Fortunes sometimes up
Or prospects at their depths

Each one will reach the crest
You must be willing to deal with change
And grasp what assets come your way
But also be able to just let go

-Peter Brown 2007

Happy Tuesday

Happy Tuesday. How do you do?
Happy Tuesday. I’m fine, and you?
I’m thinking ‘bout the weekend
Yes, I agree. Me too.

No one ever cared for Tuesday
A point I simply say
Tuesday’s insignificant
Not black or white. Just gray.

Monday it kicks off the week
And is nothing short of bleak
Friday its antithesis
Gateway to the end you seek

But Tuesdays are just there
Like an ever steady “fair”
Free of spirit, praise or hate
So what. Another stark affair

Happy Tuesday. How do you do?
Tuesday? Are you sure? Say’s who?
It’s Wednesday, see? Happy Wednesday!
See if that helps to change your view.

-Peter Brown 2007

The White Pages

I’ve got nothing to post. I’ve got nothing to post
I’m working, straining and hurting my brain
It remains empty, numb and ignoring the pain
I’m inflicting upon for a post I could gain

I’ve got nothing to post. I’ve got nothing to post
When normally things, just pop in and shout
“Write me down fella! Get this word out!”
There is nothing, save barren vacuum and doubt

I’ve got nothing to post. I’ve got nothing to post
So I sit and I sigh, I despair and I hope
That something will come to me, so I can cope
Like cheese dangling on a proverbial rope

I’ve got nothing to post. I’ve got nothing to post
When out of the blue it popped into my head
I sat up in my seat, and cast off my dread
I cleared out my throat and loudly I said

I got something to post!

-Peter Brown 2007

The Lie

It’s a lie!
A falsification, a fairy tale
A fib, that it’s peddling for sale
A fabrication, a falsehood and fantasy

It’s a misrepresentation,
A prevarication, where truth plays no part
You don’t want to listen, you think your so smart
You’ve been duped, mislead, and played for the fool

You will take it all in
You will rock in your chair
You will say, “Almost there”
With your task near complete

I tell you you’re not!
So don’t be drawn in,
Or your hopes on it pin!
For I tell you I know

Don’t be swayed by untruths,
I’ve been at this a while.
So don’t let it beguile,
Because I know what I say!

Please believe me!
What I speak, it is true
Contrarily status bars lie, yes they do!
As harsh as that sounds you must understand

You are nowhere near done
Just sit back, relax and unwind
And someday, like me, you too might just find
That ninety-nine percent done is a lie!

- Peter Brown 2007