The Party

“Alright everybody, five minutes to game time! We got it all! Forty-two inch high definition plasma screen!"

"WOO!!"

"Hot wings, chips, dip, drinks, and sausages!"

"WOO!!"

"And this year, no Melvin! The only thing were missing are four hot deep dish pizzas that should be here any minute!”

[bing bong]

“And there they are. I’ll be right back.”

~~~

“Hey you’re late! Do I get an discount or something?”

“I’m sorry I had a little trouble figuring out where the party was...”

“Melvin!”

“Happy to see me?”

“How did you...?”

“At a loss for words I see?"

"Melvin...You weren't suppose.."

"Don’t worry I always know what to say! I have also been thinking a lot about super bowl extra large. For instance-”

"Super bowl what?"

"Super bowl, extra large! I've been working on my game lingo!"

“Forty. Last year was super bowl forty. This year is forty-one. XL and XLI are Roman numerals. It’s a football tradition to use them instead of regular numbers.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know! Who cares? Maybe they thought it added a bit more dignity to it or something. I really don’t have a clue.”

“Anyway so last year we had that long conversation about half-backs...”

"I recall."

"Really?"

“Yes, in fact I have thought about it quite a bit in the last year. That conversation lasted right through the 43-yard fourth-quarter touchdown pass that essentially secured the game.”

“Wow, I didn’t know our conversation meant that much to you. I’m glad to hear you still remember it.”

“Believe me Melvin, I’ll never forget it.”

“Anyway about half-backs...”

“Melvin, Wait."

"Yes?"

"How did you know where the party was? No one called you, right?”

“A-ha! See! I knew it!”

“Knew what?”

“You said ‘no one called’ and it just confirmed what I had already assumed.”

“[sigh] Which was what?”

“That it was a secret party. And that you wanted the guests to try and figure it out where it was on their own."

"Why would I do that?"

"That way you didn’t get any losers at your party. Like that bunch of mush-heads you had last year. Eat, yell, boo. How long can a person endure such company?”

“I was thinking the same thing actually...”

“So I went to your house and you weren’t there.”

“Right.”

“But your neighbor said something about how hard it was to get your TV in your car..."

"I need to have a chat with Ted..."

"...he then said you made three trips back home, and that each trip took approximately twenty five minutes."

"...a nice long chat..."

"...I then used my computer based mapping program to pinpoint each of your known friends houses and then I calculated which you could be making deliveries to in that time frame."

"Maybe we can go hunting together."

"First I tried Kevin's, and his wife must have been in on your game, because she tried to put me off the trail.

"Good ol' Laura."

"But I kept at it! I then tried Ralph's house and someone let the dogs loose on me. luckily I'm quite nimble and was able to escape with only my corduroy cuff as a casualty."

"...better luck next time Butler..."

"I then figured you must be at Doug's place, and well, here we are!"

“Indeed."

"I was quite a test of fortitude and cunning. I must give you credit for dreaming that up!"

"Yeah...Thanks. Well, I guess since you went through all that trouble, you should come inside and watch the game."

"Thank you!"

"Too bad the pizza guy hasn’t gotten here yet.”

“Oh. I sent him away!”

“What! Why?”

“Four deep dish pizzas! That's just ridiculous to think, that anyone else would be able to find this party besides me! Especially with the sort of friends you keep!”