Letter To The Non-Caffeinated

Dear Non-Caffeinated;

I hope this letter finds you well, though I have to say I believe that is a false hope. I honesty I’m not sure when I should be sending this letter to you. Are you awake as long as those of us who choose to par-take of the joys of caffeine? Do you start the day as I do with alertness and awareness? I really haven’t got any idea. Do you just past the day in the restless sleep of those who have never understood, let alone held or sipped at joy?

I have to say I would be hard pressed to live a life as horribly misshapen as yours. I feel pity and sorrow, first for your lack of attentiveness and second for the inexplicable hesitance you feel towards happiness. Please feel free to read this more slowly or in bits more fitting for your state of concentration. You could also have some caffeinated person read it to you, if you find it too much work for one morning.

Before diving in much further I suppose you are wondering why I’m writing. This is simple. I wish to offer an olive branch to you, from my people. Are you still reading this? Did you doze off? Should this letter be shorter so that you can concentrate? As you can see, there is still a lot about your kind that my people do not understand. Currently you serve mostly as an example, or illustration for my people. The sort of folks who scoff at bliss, the way the Amish do at technology. You help us realize that if we were to fall into the same trap as you, we might not wake some morning, in a groggy decaffeinated haze. Additionally our digital watches might be missing. The thought is truly terrifying.

Again to return to the point at hand. I wanted to start this conversation because of the obvious breech between our peoples. My people hang out in coffee shops, go to work, and stay up past nine O clock at night. What about you? Did you know that the sun sets every night and a mass called the moon comes out in its wake? It’s the truth I assure you! It is really quite lovely. I suppose you could have heard about it from some of your caffeinated co-workers. What do you do for fun? I cannot imagine. Sleepwalking? I really don’t know.

I have heard of your people talking about our addiction to caffeine. I suppose this is true, we are addicted to it. As a point of information though, I wanted to point out the possible incorrect conclusions you might be drawing. Do you know that caffeine is readily available and is not an illegal in any country? You are aware that there are massive amounts of the stuff in a variety forms to suit all tastes? Did you also know that it brings fulfillment, is relatively inexpensive and is completely available? If so, why would being addicted to it be viewed as a bad thing? This brings to mind two other substances we are also both addicted to, water and breathable air. I hope you don't try and kick either of those habits soon.

I hope I have made my point obvious? I apologize if I have gone to fast for you. There is no reason, beside a possible medical one, why not to consume some form of caffeine. Even those people with medical issues, I would imagine, would be happier with a shorter caffeinated life, than a longer deprived existence. Though in the end that is only an opinion.

Sincerely yours;

Peter Brown
Severely Over-Caffeinated