Coffee Everlasting

Today I was driving down the road when I turned and looked at the person next to me. I do this all the time and I know I'm not alone in this practice. Daily, I'll gaze over and hope for a brief glimpse into their dull life, believing in my heart that it is as pathetic and meaningless as mine. Actually that's not true. I actually wish that theirs is much more pathetic and meaningless than mine.

Anyway. So there we are at a stop light when I glance over at this unassuming tan Volvo station wagon and think, "I have to have a more interesting life than anyone who would own a 1982 Volvo station wagon!" Seriously, how could you buy a car that's shaped like a giant LEGO if you had even a hint of romance or a spark of creativity in your soul. You couldn't. Maybe it was a gift or something.

Just when I was about to feel vastly superior while sitting in my dirty 1997 Nissan XE king cab, something unexpected happened. They raised a Starbucks cup to their lips and took the last sip of coffee. I know it was the last sip because the cup was angled in such a way that if there had been more than a couple of drops of coffee left, they would have been showered in brew and drown in their own latte.

I felt remorse for them. Not only were they stuck in a boring Swedish automobile with the universal symbol for virility emblazoned on their steering but now they're out of freaking latte!

Wait... here comes the cup again. They take another sip. What?! Then another.

At this point the light changes to green and we drive off in different directions but it's okay because I know exactly what happened. This person had succeeded in creating an Einstein-Rosen bridge and not only that but had proved that material could be transfered between them. In addition they had bonded this bridge between a fixed point and a moving vector which was an extraordinary accomplishment. If all that wasn't enough they had also contrived the most brilliant application of this technology.

The everlasting cup of coffee. By initiating the bridge between their coffee cup and then pinning the far end of this wormhole in the bottom of a warming carafe, they could essentially have a hot cup of Joe whenever they wanted. Imagine hot coffee on the fly without the need to keep large thermos in tow. Plus this bridge allowed for the carafe to be whatever size needed. That means they could make enough coffee for a day or even a fortnight. It was absolutely brilliant.

Of course now the inconspicuous Volvo becomes apparent. Obviously this technology was offered to the public but suppressed by the drive through coffee company's who make their living on having, "coffee when you need it." (I put that in quotes in case any drive through coffee company was looking for an awesome new catchphrase). So now they have to use the bridge in secret all disguised by a harmless cup of coffee.

Wow. It's amazing what you can see in the car next to you if you only take the time to really look!

Pen Giveaway Winner

So... I really should have taken a picture of this pen but I never did. I intended to but my state of the art fancy pants light box seen here:


wasn't setup and I was a little tired last night from being in the garage all day making stuff and junk and stuff.

Anyway, so the name drawn from a small pile of 6 is Drew, er Mr. M .... Make that Drake Davenport! I have no idea which Internet pseudonym is currently in vogue with Mr. Drew Drake but I know he will be excited! Like this...



Drake. Your pen looks like this...

Only less blurry and without the mini-blinds or my thumb and forefinger. Seriously, it's nice. I promise. It's walnut and very similar to the one in this post

Shoot me an email with your real name and address and I'll get this out for you this week! Congrats and thanks to all for playing!

Giving Thanks Giveaway

It's time for another Pen Giveaway! Click here for past giveaway results.


I will be giving away another of my cross style pens. As past winners can attest, they are quite nice (shameless self promotion) and make excellent gifts. So enter to win and mark a gift off your Christmas shopping list.

Now for the game...

Tell us what you're thankful for this Holiday season. If that's too much effort or too mushy for you, then give us your best clean "knock knock" joke.

Like Kludge Spot on Facebook and you get a second entry in the drawing. (With a qualifying comment below)



The Game Rules:

1. No vulgarity. I reserve the right to delete any comment. This will remove you from the contest.

2. Wining. I will randomly draw the wining name from a hat on Sunday November 27th of all caption entries. The winner will be contacted Sunday evening via email, and announced Monday November 28th.

3. United States for free shipping. If you live elsewhere and don't mind pitching in the extra cost for international shipping (about $8 I think) I'll totally ship it to you

4. Contact. I need a way to let you know you've won the prize. And I'll need your shipping address to send it to you. So sign up with blogger, or OpenID, or something that I can contact you with. Otherwise I'll move on to another contestant.

5. Have Fun!

Survival

I found myself left to my own devices in the wild lands. Thrown into a survival situation where man is pitted against nature. I did my best to fend off the threats of the untamed boondocks that was my personal jungle.

Like all good survivors I assessed my surrounding and took in all the resources I could gleam from a first glance. Then this old bushman began ticking off my internal list of priorities.

Was I in any danger? Not initially. The natives seems to pay me no heed as they were engrossed in a episode of DuckTales and there was a good 12 minutes of brain numbing programing left to play out. I wondered for a moment if Lauchpad would be able to save McDuck and his nephews from the Beagle Boys and their rather clumsy plan to separate Scrooge from his money. I shook my head loose from the fog. Clearly the atmosphere in this place was affecting my judgment. I needed to keep moving.

Was I thirsty? Not terribly. Though I realized that I should always take the opportunity to hydrate whenever I was able. Crossing the room my bare foot landed squarely on the jutting head and strangely sharp arm of a Princess Aurora figurine that lay on the floor. I stifled my eek of pain. The last thing I wanted to do was to alert the natives and distract them from the attention sucking box. As I reached the wood patterned laminate counter-top my eyes found their prize. I took a sip of watered down apple juice from a Princess Ariel plastic cup. Clearly these natives worship at the Disney cartoon franchise altar. I should remember that if confronted...

Next priority was fire. If I was going to be here for long I would need both the warmth and security that fire offered.

"Daddy! Are you making fire!? Fire! Yes!!"
"I, Uh," Nuts. This might have been a bad idea. I now had the full attention of one of the tribal chieftains from this pink clan of Aborigines.

"Yes, but I want you to stand back while I'm getting it started and have the chain open."
"Okay. I love fire!! Mommy, Daddy's starting a fire!!"

I might have to worry about this one later, but for now the security of fire was already proving true before even before the first spark was seen. I then secured some dry tinder in the form of unwanted mortgage offers and mail order catalogs and proceeded to made fire. Though the lighter fought me valiantly with it's child safety features but man proved himself again and flames soon engulfed the press board firelog.

With thirst and fire off the list I next turned my sizable skill towards acquiring food.

"What's for dinner?"
"It's pretty late dear and we already ate."
"Oh."
"I can make you something..."
"Naw. I got it. Thanks."

I decided to skip on setting traps or snares as there wasn't much wildlife to be had in this region. I set myself into gatherer mode and was able to put enough calories together to replenished those lost while crumpling mortgage ads and flipping though the Lands Ends catalog before tearing it up.

"Oh Peter. I almost forgot. The water heater is broken. I have someone coming tomorrow to fix it."
"What?! Are you kidding me?"
"No joke. Guy said the thermo coupler needs replacing."
"That means I have to take a cold shower! What are we living in a jungle or something..."

Veronica Is A Hard Working Girl

Veronica is a hard working girl and I use her services quite frequently. She's always there for me and at my beck and call. I like her close beside me and hold her very tight. Now there are times with she seems a bit unresponsive but for the most part she suits my needs. I got her for a bargain and she was practically a steal for what she's worth. In truth my wife picked her out and new she was just my type. At 16 GB she holds quite a bit more than my previous flash drive.

Here's Veronica:


And here is her namesake:


Veronica Lodge from the old Archie comics. I have no clue why she popped into my head when the computer asked for a name after I first formatted her. It just did.

"Veronica is all loaded up and good to go!"

"Peter, why did you name your new flash drive Veronica?!"

"Because I'd already named my MP3 player Planchet"

Planchet is the manservant of d'Artagnan in one of the best novels ever written. If you are a boy or man and have not read The Three Musketeers stop everything you are doing this instant. Now, go to the bookstore and get a real book. Paperback or hardcover. One that you can pick up, hold, feel, smell, dog-ear and doesn't require batteries or electricity and read The Three Musketeers right now. After that, feel free to come back here and finish this post. Women, I have no idea what the best book is for you but the wife seems awfully found of Pride and Prejudice.

Anyway there is something cool about plugging in my MP3 player and having Windows declare, "Planchet is ready what now?" It's like having my own servant standing at the ready.

"Load up those files and check to make sure they're all sorted correctly."
"Oui monsieur!"

Planchet has been with me since 2005. We've shared a lot together over the years, as only a man and his servant can. From Frank Sinatra, The Fray, Owl City to my recent obsession with Marty Robbins. In many ways Veronica could never be Planchet but honestly, that's not her job. Her job is digital shopping and believe you me, Veronica loves shopping...



Someday I might have to upgrade. She's got a lot of space, but I'd have no trouble trading her in for a newer model if I ever needed more than 16GB.

Yeah, you're right, men are pigs...

I Plumbered It Real Good

Sunday night. Why in the world would I honestly believe that Sunday night was the best time to begin a plumbing project? I must have been channeling the spirit of my plumbing impaired father for I believed that it would be a simple adjustment and would not cause me half a week of grief and angst.

It was Sunday night the 30th of October. At 10:00 PM was brushing my teeth and getting ready to go to bed. The sink was running and as it had done for a number of years was beginning to pool water up in the basin. None of this was new, unexpected or in the least unusual but for some reason that night it bothered me.

I mentioned it. "Sink is backing up" That's all. Just an idea, a simple thought. A seed. Why should I have to deal with that... Can't it be easily fixed? Should I continue to have it annoy me when I can fix it and not have it cluttering up my life anymore? "No," was the the correct answer but not the one I chose.

The issue was that hair had gathered around the sink drain stopper. You know that little chrome thing with the long plastic part that pops up and drops down? So the solution is simple enough. Pop it out. That's it just pop it out of the sink and remove the gathered wad of hair. Simple enough right?

Wrong-o. BUZZ!! "Nay," says the sink stopper manufactures. "Sorry homeowner, this part is a permanent and required fixture of our sink that cannot be removed without a pipe wrench, a set of child sized hands and the ability to wrap your body into a sink cabinet like a human pretzel." Of course this will not deter the persistent AKA crazy stupid people who only want a sink to work like it was intended free of hair clogs.

They will begin to undo the pipes in an effort to loosen them enough to get at this stopper clamping mechanism barricaded in the rear of the bathroom cabinet behind a strong fortification of iron pipes, copper pipes and uncooperative plastic fittings. This will be a mistake.

At 10:25 I found myself holding various sections of the pipe in my hands with a giant gaping hole in my sink. This hole was displaying a clear view of a wet bathroom cabinet if viewed from above. The stopper was out, the pipe was clear and the wife was in bed wishing with all her heart that this was not happening. The pipe was now the way I wanted it to be, that is free of stopper, and the bathroom sink was now completely unusable.

Why do we do these things to ourselves? Why do we persist when we know that the sacrifices required from the the plumbing gods are much steeper than any gain we could possibly get from antagonizing them? Right, because we are men and we are stupid.

Anyway. Four days later and many hours of toil behind me I now have what I wanted. A sink free of the stopper.

"I got it!"
"Nice. It flows good too...but..."
"But what?"
"You know...uh, things can fall down the drain pretty easy now."
"Oh crap. I hadn't thought of that."