Kludge Spot: November 2009

20 Things I've Learned From Thanksgiving

Turkey size? Go big.

A healthy Thanksgiving diner is a creation of the devil.

The table space is precious. Don't waste it on foul food.

Stuffing. It's not just a suggestion.

If it weren't for family, Thanksgiving would be perfect.

You only get one vacation day for Christmas, but two for Thanksgiving.

Why? Because your pants don't fit and the management wouldn't approve 'Naked Friday.'

After the meal, moving is optional

Any one stupid enough to get up at 5:00AM the next day, can have the deals. I'm sleeping till noon.

Black Friday is also named for the death of millions of bathroom scales.

Personal trainers hate Thanksgiving

Football cannot be avoided. It's football or dishes, so football it is.

Pumpkin pie is horrible. We only eat it once a year so our mouths can forget what it taste likes.

Deep fried turkey? It should be a national sporting event!

Green bean casserole. See #3

Gravy goes with everything.

Meat, starch, carbs, starch, gravy, starch. Repeat

I see turkey and mash potato sandwiches in your future.

When in doubt, add cranberry sauce.

Gluttony = Thankfulness

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!! From KludgeSpot

Withdrawals

I've got it all, dry mouth, shaky hands, bloodshot eyes and intense stomach pains. I recently have been searching out my pleasure. Seeking it at stores and living vicariously through the stories of others. Wondering when and how my next fix will come and not knowing if I'll be able to contain myself. I know I'm gaming addict, but I thought I could break it on my own.

I've gone weeks without any video games. This is mostly owning to the fact the garage has sucked up so many hours of my time recently. I don't resent the garage. I enjoy woodworking. I like building things and making trinkets to sell to glitter goddesses that are my primary customers. I love money. Where did that come from? Well it's the truth regardless if its a tacky thing to say or not.

When I first got into woodworking it was with the desire to buy more stuff for my computer. I needed a new video card, more RAM and bigger hard drive and sweet new flat screen monitor. Since I've been selling stuff, I've had an influx of mad money. Now all I need for my machine is a new video card, more RAM and bigger hard drive and sweet new flat screen monitor. So...

Turns out I've been neglecting my geek side pretty severely. All that is about to change. My wife made the fatal mistake on Saturday. We were taking turns playing with the girls, in a 45 minute tag team style. It works out pretty well. The girls have more fun because you can just play for 45 minutes knowing your about to get 45 off.

Patricia was playing one of her silly casual games during her 45 minutes. Farm Crazy, Farming Fun or Frenzied Farmer. I have no clue, but she was enjoying herself. I'm not a causal gamer, but considering the time I wouldn't have much fun playing a RPG or FPS for quick 45 stints. She suggested I try "Mortimer Beckett and the Time Paradox". She said I might like it and that it was quite difficult. In fact she'd been stuck on it for a couple of months.

When you're an addict a little taste of your drug can change everything. Mortimer was my taste. 3 hours and 15 minutes. Mortimer didn't stand a chance. Now I want more. Casual gaming? Sure, but that's just an appetizer. It cannot be a real substitute for true gaming. I found myself on Steam later that day, searching for the soup,salad, main and dessert courses. What's a guy to do?

I'm back. Hello my new pasty bloodshot radiation permeated friend. Garage? What's that for?

Craft Show

"Where have you been man?"
"Crafting and stuff. You know."
"Hum, no. No I have no idea what you mean. What the hell is 'crafting'"
"You know, crafting and beading and stuff. You know making stuff."
"Like toaster doilies?"
"See I told you, man. You know.."

So I've been a little busy. I was invited to a crafts fair last weekend. Many of you out there just glazed over. You're comatose, staring blankly at the screen right now.

"He doesn't post for almost 2 months and then when we crave a geeky editorial we get 'crafts and beading?'"

Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. Bear with me. So when I'm not geeking out I'm woodworking in the garage. I make pens, bottle stoppers, stuff like that. I sell them in local stores, to help outfit my workshop and desktop. Keep them in the upgrades that they have become accustom. So someone saw my turned trinkets and invited me to a crafts fair.

So I spend like 6 weeks in the shop making pens, bottle stoppers, pendants and mushrooms. I was crazy! I was like the sap and wood chips king.

"Peter!"
"Yes?"
"Why are there wood chips all over the bathroom floor?"
"Weird. I dunno, must have been the kids."
"And in the kitchen, living room and our master bedroom closet?"

Anyway I setup my display on Friday and on Saturday I was required to work the show for 3 hours. Since I was the newbie, some of these ladies had been attending this show for a decade, and a nasty man (one of only two men there) I wasn't given much responsibility.

I was the official basket hander. That's right. Basket hander. I also amended greeter onto that prestigious position.

"Good morning. (SMILE) Basket?"
"Thanks"
"Good morning. (SMILE) Basket?"
"I'm just looking"
"Good morning. (SMILE) Basket?"
"oh... I suppose"
"Good morning. (SMILE) Basket?"
"Can I get a blue one?"

Yep. That was my life on Saturday morning. Saying good morning, and handing out and collecting fancy plastic shopping baskets for little old ladies, bedazzled females and the row of sulking men filing behind them wearing the face I was eager to sport. Instead I was stuck grinning like a school boy and commenting on what lovely finds where inside.

"What a darling mouse. knit?"
"Crochet."
"Of course!"

I was suppose to be relieved at 12:00 but my replacement didn't arrive until 1:30. So I think I said those words about 500 times. No joke. We were crazy packed. When I did get relieved the person said,

"Is that all? That's an easy job."
"Well, I am just a man you know."

She nodded in understanding and I walked away. Sore from standing and with a stupid grin that would take me most of the day to undo.