International Talk Like a Pirate Day 2009

Arrr! It be that time of year again me hearties. So dawn your peg legs and pray for a scurvy end to all your foes.

Get your Pirate Name!!
I be Pantin' Harley Straw

Now learn the Pirate Alphabet!







Load up with RUM. Now it's time to sing!

Korobushka Stuck Again...

Sometimes I get this song stunk in my head for no good reason. I Feel like playing Tetris now...

I thought I'd pass along the favour!

For the curious

20 Things I Learned From Training

There are two types of training, bad training and needed training. I've never witnessed good training

Training instructors are rarely the cream of the crop

When in training it's considered polite not to fall asleep

This is sometimes unavoidable

Training instructor jokes, laughing only encourages more. AKA Don't feed the bears

Trainers who know anything are few and far between. Don't bet that yours will.

Training input survey. The, 'Will I ever see this trainer again?' gamble.

There is always one person who will never get

To quote a movie, "The cows could program the VCR by now!"

This boob is also the most vocal. Please put your hand down...

They are also the best source of material typo's. How many days is this again?

Pick your lab partners carefully. Four days with "Ned the Halitosis Factory" is far from bearable.

Lab exercises...A simple game of follow the directions, and snicker at your frustrated neighbors

Bored yet? If you didn't bring your blackberry, you could always count ceiling tiles. See #3

Smokers have a training advantage... Time for another break

The best part of training is travel

How do I make three beers look like a legitimate dinner receipt?

The my favorite words uttered in training, "looks like we'll be finished early."

Online training, all the pain and none of the benefits. AKA the mangers favorite training.

All things being equal, even bad day training is better than good day working.

Clippings 2

Some more fun newspaper clippings I've found. Definitely worth a few moments of your afternoon...

I suppose this is just very thorough.
Sounds okay to me...
$3.50 reward? Clearly the man did something bad!
Central Heating?!
Sorry for this one...
Oops. Our bad!
The games criminals play...
I can't think of anything that would add to this, gold metal classifieds listing. Pulitzer. Seriously.
Loves kids. He ate two for breakfast!
Clearly the broads just a troublemaker!
Ah. The happy couple.
The food here is so...well flat.

Lazy Thursday Blues: Caption 28

Got The Lazy Thursday Blues? Well I've got the cure. It's Caption Thursday! I'll provide a picture and you provide the caption.

As always we need to adhere to good taste. Please keep it clean.

Here's the one to get it started:

You sold the last tickle me ELMO!?

Here's the one to get it started:

When did you say your mothers getting back?

Found on the Internet:

1.) Super Mario Brother Thank You Generator. Serious time waster.

2.) Star Wars The Force Trainer - Control it with your Mind! Anygood Jedi knows that a good understanding of the force takes training.

3.) Redneck geeks?

Clippings

Some fun newspaper clippings I've found. Definitely worth a few moments of your afternoon...

With a little extra sauce, they serve up quite nice!
Clearly a chance to finally understand a language!
Coincidence? I'm sure...
I think this was just an elaborate employment drive...
How could they possibly tell that?!
"I knew when I saw the rolling pin, that something bad was going to go down."
um, okay...my favorite?
This one floors me. I love it!
The Utah Fire Department would also like to remind you not to light your shirt on fire.Oh and the Utah Police just called to say...
Don't miss out on this!

Ask A Geek - Illuminati

Q- Makolyte -Does "Illuminati" really exist?

Thanks for the question, Makolyte! I think the answer to this question has many facets. Like a diamond, only lacking in beauty, monetary value or extreme longevity. Basically none of the good stuff, but only the tedious parts. Regardless, I will do my best to answer it. So, lets see...

Is there an all powerful organization controlling world events and leading us in a direction of it's choosing? The answer is simple. I have no way of proving that they exist. Secret societies conspiring to manipulate the world and her outcomes have throughout history been notoriously difficult to document. Go Figure.

That being said, I think we can easily come to the next conclusion. If you can't prove they exist then you probably will have just as much trouble proving that they don't exist. In all honesty, that is what is so much fun about conspiracy theories. I heard somewhere that almost anything can come out 30% in anyone's favor.

Like, If you want to believe something, you can make any evidence 30% effective. It works there there and there, but not here here here and here. As such, anyone can find a ground for their point of view. This is great when trying to prove something might exist. With enough anecdotal and circumstantial evidence you'd be surprised how many folks you could rally to your cause. Even easier if you give away chocolate. People will do anything for chocolate, even bad, hollow milk chocolate items.

"But Peter," you say, "Why would we want to convert people to believing in something that we aren't even sure of ourselves?"

Because if the Illuminati don't exist, then what would be the next best outcome? Right! An army of crazy conspiracy soaked minions ready to do battle with any foe we label as "The Man." So we use our poorly applied statistical data, and overuse of the phrase, "But how can you be POSITIVE?" to harness all the wavering souls we can manage and bring them into our growing fold. Businessmen, politicians, used car salesman and that guy that sweeps up after the elephant parade. We explain to then that we are doing it for the greater good.

Truth? Geeks, love power. Seriously, its a real hoot to be the one pulling all the strings. The main difference between geeks and others is our extreme cynicism to keep up safe (O RLY?) and the ability to harness the power of information. Why else would everyone assume Bill Gates would be a part of this elusive crew?

So what do we have now? A search for Illuminati, that in turn actually created a quasi-reality conundrum. What? See, by searching but not finding them, we ended up raising an army to do our bidding, and we in turn BECAME the Illuminati. A self fulling mission, I would say. Awesome.

So are the Illuminati actually out there? I sure hope...if not what else are we going to talk about while waiting for Left 4 Dead updates to download?

Ask A Geek

If anyone would like to submit a question answered from a geeks point of view, I would welcome answering it. Questions would be best to not be geeky by nature (That will be my job) You'll see once we get a few done.

You may also submit it anonymously if you don't want to be roasted or embarrassed.

Signs Of The Time

A quick collection of funny signs for your browsing enjoyment!











Signs of the Time 2
Signs of the Time 3
Signs of the Time 4

Would You Ranch This?

Well I was sitting here thinking... Never a good plan, but regardless. I was sitting here thinking, ranch dressing is amazing! Ranch is basically the new ketchup (or catsup. Not that I understand why it has two spellings... maybe we'll tackle that another day.)

Anyway I began wondering what I would feel strange putting ranch on, and what I wouldn't even think about. So here is a little game called, "Would You Ranch This?"


Scenario number one. Pizza. Not bad pizza either. Anyone can put ranch on pizza to make up for bad ingredients, doughy crust or greasy aftertaste. No this is perfectly good pizza, maybe even your favorite. Would you? Absolutely! No question!



Scenario number two. This is either a burrito, a white Twinke with enchilada sauce or the best ranch conduit you've yet to try. I would submit, that here on the Internet...It's all three! Ranch it? Yes. Next!

Okay... here's a new one. I've never put ranch on chili. Would I? I tried to think of a plausible scenario (I'm trying desperately to use the word "scenario" seven times... We shall see...) I was like "How bout on fruit?" No. I don't think anyone would buy that scenario... So Chili? Yea. I'd try it.


So your plane crashes on the way to Hawaii and you and your friend are all that's left from the disaster. Whoever dies first says "eat me." Regardless of the ethical dilemma the question remains..."Would you put ranch on it?"

This one was a no brainier...literally. "Friends don't let friends eat their rotting corpses without ranch dressing!" I mean what kind of a host, or guest for that matter would you be. Clearly this is also a good case for bringing the ranch in the carry on luggage and not checking it.

Thoughts? Anyone? Are you still here...