20 Things I Learned From My Manager

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, manage.

Numbers don't reflect reality, they create it.

Overlord Boss: Micromanaging you to an early grave!

When in doubt, call a meeting.

The only thing that would make life better is another pie chart.

It might be the best idea on Earth, but if you can't make me understand it, it's worthless.

I'll never get it.

The only constant is ignorance.

My door makes me special.

If managing is an art, then I'm a finger painter.

Everyone below me is an idiot, everyone above me is a deity.

Never measure, cut a dozen times.

Open door policy. If it's open, I'm out.

Promises were made to be broken.

Bitterness is the fuel that makes this office run!

If it can't be graphed, it's not important to me.

There's no money for training, so stop asking! Oh and remember I'll be gone next week at a convention in Palm Springs.

When you start to speak, I begin thinking about the features on my new Blackberry.

Don't mistake my nodding for understanding. It's just a reflex.

Your knowledge is an affront to my managing skills.