Man Week 2011: Day 3


As I sit here at my desk munching away on my salad, that my wife prepared for me today at my request, I cannot help but wonder how such a meal would be viewed by our manly predecessors.

"Nog, I have returned with food!!"
"Ugh!! What have you slain."
"Well actually its a little something I like to call... Green Stuff"
"Green Stuff?!! Oh!! Lizard?
"No..."
"Where did you kill this strange green beast?!"
"Actually it's a mixture of leaves, pine cones for texture and a sweet juice squeezed from the blue ball tree..."

Needless to say Ugh's offering was not well received. Additionally the clan noted that he tasted much better to them then this is 'Green Stuff" he invented. To this day men are vary of salads and would much rather partake of food that tends to bleed and leaves a smelly trail of droppings.

Not to say that men don't appreciate the finer things in life. We do, and can, but it is not at our core. It is something we have to reach out for. Something we have to be willing to try. At our core we inherently understand that pigs, cows and pizza trees exist solely for our sustenance. Additionally these things could be had with minimal effort. I cannot tell you how many times this has taken place in my house

"I'm getting hungry..."
"I can make something."
"How long will that take?"
"I dunno 30 minutes or so. What do you feel like."
"Too stinking long. Lets order out and it will be delivered in a hour."

To me this makes perfect sense. I'd rather do what I like for an hour than wait while something is cooked. The wife has not grasped on this concept. What's not to get? I get food, with no prep time, no cleanup and don't have to smell it while it cooks. Honestly men, who among you hasn't resorted to cooking only because it was too late to get delivery?

The only exception to this is cooking on the grill. I love cooking on the grill and will jump at any chance to wield an open flame. Some part of my childhood manifests itself in the delight of touching and using the matches that got me in trouble more time than I care to admit. Men and fire go to together like girls and gossip.

So in summary. If it can be killed we'll eat it. If there is a path of least resistance, we'll find it. And lastly, if it needs to be blackened, make sure you call for a man.

5 comments:

Patricia said...

Wings it is!

Steve Murphy said...

WHY !!! is it so much better to wait an hour for a take-away to be delivered than cook ?!?! But it's true ... I've done exactly the same, I'm STARVING, the dog better not sit still for too long or it's on 3 legs tomorrow but the hint of an indian being delivered and all of a sudden an hour isn't that long after all !! Kludge, we might be thousands of miles away with a huge great bath between us but life over there seems pretty similar to me ... Have you seen the Fosters beer adverts ? Budgie smugglers !! Oh my god, fits of laughter every time !! If you haven't they must be on youtube or somewhere on the net, check them out !!

kludge said...

Wife:

DEAL!

kludge said...

Steve, greetings from a cross the pond!

1: Agreed and now, because of you, I want a curry!! Thanks... :)

2: I just checked the "good call" commercials. Hysterical!

3: I then had to look up 'budgie smuggler' and I think I saw 20 pale men in speedos and a shot of your PM giggling. If I had a curry I doubt I'd keep it down!

Steve Murphy said...

I think I might have been one of those pale guys in speedos ... Those adverts are classic, there was one about a tattoo or as they call it a "tough sticker", absolute classics, I watch the football as much to watch the adverts as to see the action ... keep the man week up Kludge ... loving in ... working evenings/nights this week and on the way home I was wondering what was up next ... :)