Man Week 2011: Day 2

It seems I may have lost a few of you with yesterday's post. I fully intended it to be amusing and enjoyable. It turned out to be neither. So... I re-wrote it about 2 hours later. It is now just a brief intro for the rest of the week. Sometimes I'm on and sometimes I'm off. It's part of this media form known as blogging. Regardless I'm ready to try again!

So for the second post of Man Week 2011 I'd like to strike at a part of all men that is at the center of our being. A real representation of what it means to be a man, and something that if we were separated from, would take away much of what we are. That's right, you guessed it... competition!!

Men love competition. Whether that competition is for who is the smartest, who is the strongest, who is the fastest or even who is the dumbest. If there is a challenge to be had, men will fight for it. This is evident after just 20 minutes in a room with more than one man present. If one guy does something the other will try to outdo him. This could be as simple as a belching contest. There is nothing like the thrill of victory while you send out a resounding burble to room of impressed fellow men. As losers clutch their sour stomachs and nod in acceptance of their defeat, one lone soul triumphantly gloats and takes that final swig of soda.

If any girls have gotten this far in the post they have just wrinkled up their noses in disgust and bewilderment. Trust me girls all men have done this. Even your man. In fact any man who claims to have not been party to a belching contest is a liar and phony. Do not trust him. To relate this to the broads, I would say a male belching contest is a direct corollary to a girl, "I got the purse for this much" contest. And for the record no man alive should ever be caught bragging about how cheap he bought something. This will not garner support from the other males and might call for the revoke of his man card. See previous years post on The Man Card.

When it comes down to it we are always competing with other men. I'm reminded of something I heard Robin Williams say. I cannot find the exact quote but it was to this effect:

"God decided men should not have babies because he knew they would turn childbirth into a sport."

Come on now, admit it. You know he's right. I can picture it now, with markers every 2 yards worth increasing points, doctors and nurses with catchers gloves, announcers lamenting poor performances and a crowd of fans wearing giant foam diapers! It would be awesome.

"Garcia had a strong third trimester and is a serious contender here today, but you never know, Mitchell could be sporting triples. That would certainly put him at the top of this field!"

So ladies who wish to castrate men of this vital urge with friendly games and scoreless rounds, know that men are never in agreement, even when they say they are. Care to put this to the test? Simply ask any father the ending score of the local "fair and equal" sanitized little league game. He'll know exactly who won and won lost. As he should, for competition is just part of manhood and a vital part of life.


Mr. M said...

You changed your post yesterday? I didn't even notice that. I wonder if I read it before or after you changed it the first time... What was off about it?

This post is so true! It is quite possible that the all-time most uttered phrase among men is "I can do that! Watch me!" Someone gets a kill spree in a video game: "I can do that!" Someone accomplishes a feat on a playground: "I can do that! Hold my soda."

Just a note: In paragraph five, you might wanna take the L out of the word "competing". But that's about it.

Steve Murphy said...

Me and my mate Martin have this thing, it's been going on for years, if he says he got up to 120mph on his motorbike today, I say I did 125. If he says he had 4 pints last night, I had 5, I don't when or how it started but it's there and every now and again one of us, gets that little finger in the belly, I did better than you, hey the girls think we're stupid but it makes us chuckle :)

kludge said...

Mr M:

Yea.. changed it as it was a bit more about woman than men. I got a wee bit worked up.

kludge said...

The classic 'One Up'. I do it all the time. You're so right. The girls don't get it, they only do that when the one of them leaves the room!! Men though. We do it to your face!

Brian Regan has a great clip on this: Dinner Party

Steve Murphy said...

Classic dinner party clip ... He had 9 wisdom teeth out ?!?! I had 10 out ... in one go ;)