Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Man Week, Day 2

The Man Card Exhibit A:

Man Card Image Credit OfficalManCard.com

Being a man is not a right, it's a privilege. As a bona fide man I am in possession of a man card. This man card can be revoked at any time if there is even one other man present. The process is pretty simple. It would have to be or men wouldn't do it.

Being manly adds points to you man card. For instance, using power tools to demolition your house, or building anything that, through assembly, puts band-aids on your person. That something doesn't need to be pretty, in fact if it's too pretty you might just find yourself in a bit of a points decline. Any time you wield open fire your man card is tallying up points. Any time you are caught watching Martha Steward or bedazzling your t-shirt you are in a major crash.

Lets do a little test, shall we?

Speed Stick Deodorant?
Man card secure. You're not scoring wild points, but you are certainly a man. Anything with Stick in it's name is clearly not marketed for the chicks.

Coco Chanel Deodorant?
Whoa there princess! You are on shaky ground. We all want to smell nice, but at what cost? This is close to a revoke of your precious card.

Laundry Time?
Whoever conceived this, whether real or photoshopped, gains serious man card credits!

Mazda Miata?
Trick question. All convertibles are off limits to men. You cannot, I repeat CANNOT be a man in a cabriolet. I am unable to think of an exception to this rule.

Some losing of points is inevitable. Take me for example. I have gel in my hair and own a number of musicals. Down points! Luckily for me I drive a dirty pickup truck. Up points! For fun, I pass wood over a 40 tooth carbide tipped saw blade and have sawdust on my person at any point during the day. Up points! Additionally I own a slew of action titles including all the Bourne movies. So at the end of the day I'm in the plus category.

So... Lets review:




I'm also celebrating Man Week @ Fusion Ring

9 comments:

Jeremy said...

I disagree on the cabriolet bit...

here are pictures of acceptable convertibles for men:
http://www.speedheads.de/artikelbilder/2007/EdoLamborghiniGallardoSpyder1.jpg

http://www.automedia.com/NewCarBuyersGuide/photos/2005/BMW/Z4/Convertible/2005_BMW_Z4_ext_1.jpg

http://pulseautosport.com/wp-content/gallery/spotted-4-sale/1967-chevrolet-corvette-stingray-convertible-179900-usd.jpg

http://modculture.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/10/17/karman_ghia.jpg

You're watching Top Gear should teach you that the Convertible is a fully "man" car.

Jeremy said...

Because my links did not show properly:

1. Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder (fastest cabriolet in the world).

2. BMW Z4 Convertible (POWER!!!! - Especially the 2010 version).

3. Corvette Stingray Convertible (it has "stingray" in the name - what else is more masculine?)

4. Volkswagen Karmann Ghia Convertible (manly because I have one).

The only car that I can think of that is feminine is the VW Beetle or any kind of minivan. If you have those your man card MUST be revoked... other wise, motor on.

kludge said...

I might give you the Lamborgini... The rest are completely girly. Sorry.

For the record...

Triumph TR6

James asked the question: "Are soft-tops really girl's cars or can a bloke get away with driving one?" If you own a StreetKa, the answer's 'no', but if you're brave enough to buy a Triumph TR6 it's an entirely different story.

Apparently a Triumph is the only manly cabriolet. I still think May looked like a Sally in i

kludge said...

What are the odds! I past a fella in Z4 this morning. Car is cool, but then he had the top on it.

Jeremy said...

The Triumph is the only manly cabriolet?

WHAT!!!

I think we need to both validate our man cards by going out back and having a good fist fight to determine this one.

Here is one more reason a convertible is a manly car... women get all torqued up about having their hair (which they spent a few hours fixing) going haywire in an convertible. Men, on the other hand, probably don't have hair so they don't care. They just to show off their top.

Jeremy said...

MAN Convertible!

kludge said...

The hood locks add a bit of manly gusto as well!

To me, it's not even about the car. It just the overall impression. A man can drive one, but it's not manly. IMHO

Tony said...

On the vehicle issue, I disagree as well. Although the ones mentioned here... Meh. Kinda girly.

Now, you want to talk about a real mans convertible vehicle? Jeep Wrangler. Or CJ. Or an XJ with the hard top cut off, for that matter. (I leave the issue of whether you get extra man points for hacking parts off your vehicle to you guys as frankly, I don't really care. :p ) Or a second generation Chevrolet Blazer, Ford Bronco, Dodge Ramcharger...

There are convertibles for real men indeed. Those have a four-wheel drive, suspension lift, off-roading tires and preferably a big V8 engine.

Makolyte said...

Women want us to think it's wrong to drive big ass whips. They use the reasoning that one's is inversely proportional to the dude's wang. I thinkthe real reason is that girls like to look cute in tiny little bitch wagons :P